Torn
by TiannaMoune
Summary: When two people believe that they need help the least, they find they need it the most... from each other
1. Chapter 1

AN: First fan fiction, please review! I aim to please. And, of course, no characters of Sailor Moon are my own, and I claim them in now way.  
Some people just don't get it. They don't understand life. They only live for the moment, and cant believe that there is a whole lifetime ahead of them. That there is no hurry in life. That everything that is meant to happen will happen in due time.  
  
Serena Shepard seemed like a girl who didn't get it. Long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a childlike innocence that smelled of bubble-gum and lilac and sounded like bubbles and a childs smile. Someone who knew nothing of hurt, pain, and the hardships that were to come through life. The defiant lift of her chin, the way her feet seemed to have springs on their soles, everything about her seemed innocent.  
  
Which was probably why the dark, brooding Darien Sheilds was so attracted to her. She represented everything he wished he had known. Bubble-gum and lilacs, laughter and blowing bubbles from a wand on a hot summer day. The things he always longed for, but pretended to be too good for. He hid behind many masks, white ones too. He had lived far too much in far too short a time, his 19 years a mess of pain and confusion.  
  
Everything seemed to dissapear when she was near. She was angelic. Uncorrupted. And so full of life it was refreshing just to see her.  
  
Darien knew he loved her. He knew it in his soul. The way she bit the inside of her cheek when she was nervous, the way her smile seemed whiter then the purest snow, the way she giggled when there was nothing said. He loved every fiber of her. And for that he punished himself.  
  
How he craved to be close to her. To smell her, to taste her, to touch every part of her body.  
  
But she was too pure. He would ruin her, pollute her pureness with his bitterness and greed. For he felt greedy, wanting her so badly and not wanting to share her with anyone else in the world.  
  
She was like a kitten. Wide eyed and sweet, playing with everything in sight, curious and knowing nothing of caution. A kitten that was drawn to anything that demanded attention, because it simply didn't know any better.  
There are many things Serena wasn't aware of. The way her left odango was slightly higher then the right one, things like that. She was a little too aware of other things. Like the way his ocean eyes would stare at her when he thought she wasn't looking. The way her heart skipped and stopped when he smiled, the way her insides fell to the floor when he teased her. And she resented that. The way that another human being could have that much power over her own body. He made her angry. And she liked it.  
  
And she wasn't aware that she liked his attention. She wasn't aware that was the reason she would always find herself sitting on the 3rd stool from the left in the Crown arcade every day after school.  
  
Which was where she was now. Patiently waiting for her strawberry milkshake, she waited for him to walk through those double doors and greet her in his usual fashion.  
  
Insults.  
  
But when he came in, there was no "Hey Meatball head". He walked over to the 4th stool on the right and put his elbows on the table, and rested his head in his hands. "Coke, Andrew." Was all he said.  
  
Serena didn't know how to react from this. entrance. So she sipped her straw and glanced over at him through the corner of her eye. "Problems?"  
  
Darien said nothing.  
  
Serena tapped the counter-top lightly with her fingernails. "I may be a ditz, but I'm a good listener," she said thoughtfully. "And I know when I have a problem it's not so bad after I tell someone."  
  
Darien kept his position, but the smooth, muffled voice was heard quite clearly through the noise of the games echoing through the room. "Problems you would know nothing about, Serena," he said. "I wouldn't want to corrupt that perfect little world you live in with my 'problems'."  
  
Serena was shocked. "What makes you think the world I live in is perfect?" She said, stuttering slightly. "You know nothing about me!"  
  
Darien snorted. "I know that your family loves you. That you have friends that would die for you, and that you get whatever you want whenever you ask. That sounds pretty perfect to me."  
  
"Well, I have problems too, you know," Serena said indignantly.  
  
Darien turned to face her. "Serena, don't even try." He said as Andrew handed him his coke. Andrew was smart enough to stay clear of Darien when he was in one of his 'moods'. He only wished he could telepathically let Serena know that she was on dangerous grounds.  
  
"Darien, I think your being stupid." Serena said matter-of-factly.  
  
Darien had had enough. "I'm stupid, Serena?" He said. "Because I refuse to tell a 15 year old living in a bubble what goes on during my day? That makes me stupid?"  
  
Serena lifted her chin and turned slightly pink. "No, I think your stupid because you wont let anyone help you."  
  
Darien put his coke down and stood up. "Well, Saint Serena, why would you want to help me?"  
  
"Because I don't like seeing you sad." She regretted the words immediately. He mouth too often betrayed her and this was one of those times.  
  
Darien leaned down, an inch from her face. She could smell the musky cologne he had sprayed into his neck that morning, and could feel the heat from his body radiating onto her own. "You don't know sad, Serena. And trust me, you don't want to."  
  
Serena hated to admit she liked how close he was to her, but she did. But she didn't know what to say to that. How do you tell someone the things you have never told anyone before? You don't, her conscience said.  
  
"I know sad, Darien," she challenged. "But I wont get into that, because you seem quite happy believeing that nobody in the world could ever relate to you what-so-ever. And who am I to corrupt you."  
  
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Damn her, he thought to himself. Damn her for figuring him out. Damn her not knowing what she was talking about. Damn her for being everything I wants and can't have.  
  
He looked around his sparse apartment, gazing at the bookshelf stacked with old, used books found at yard sales, and the oh-so-clean telephone book that screamed to be looked at.  
  
He considered the thought of calling her many times. Perhaps it was the way he had lost his job that day that altered his state of mind, because before he knew it, he was dialing the number next to the Shepard residence on Cherry Road. Deep in his mind he knew he had nothing to lose, because there was nothing left to sacrifice except his pride, which he felt nothing of when he was with her.  
  
"Hello?" A bubbly voice said into his ear.  
  
"Yes, hello," Darien said smoothly, high on his low-self esteem. "Is Serena there?"  
  
"This is her," she said. Wow, she sounds different on the phone, he thought.  
  
"Serena, its Darien," he said.  
  
He swore he could hear crickets chirping somewhere, the silence was so loud.  
  
"Yeah?" she said.  
  
"Listen, I know you hate me and everything, but I wanted to take you out tonight," he said boldly. "Theres a party on Grove street and I was wondering if you would like to go? I could pick you up if you need to be."  
  
Serena laughed openly. "Very funny, Darien, get your kicks for the day?" She said bitterly.  
  
"No kicks, Serena." He said huskily. "I'll be in front of your house at 9." And with that he hung up.  
  
I just hung up on Serena! He picked up the receiver, relieved to hear she was still there. For some reason, it was then his nerves came back to him. "B-bye!" he croaked.  
  
What the hell did I just do?  
  
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So?? Tell me what you think so far 


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry this one took so long, I was away in New Hampshire snowboarding!! Yay! Good times.  
  
The sporty black Mustang, the one thing of value that Darien owned, sped down the back roads of Tokyo and to the upscale neighborhood on Cherry street. 252 Cherry St, that's what the phone book said.  
  
Darien was nervous. He was doubting himself. He would feel like a fool if she stood him up. But what would he feel if she actually came?  
  
The answer was given when he saw the amazing female specimen sitting pensively on the door-step of a quaint house he assumed was her home. She was dressed in a pink mini-skirt, beige knee high boots, a white tank-top and a suede jacket that hung lower then her skirt.  
  
What he was feeling wasn't nerves. It was anticipation.  
  
She rose and began to trot over to the car before turning and picking up a small purse she left on the step. She opened the car door and closed it, facing him. "What is this about?" She demanded.  
  
She was cute when she was mad. Her lips extra-pouty, her perfectly shaped eyebrows narrow, her blue eyes, those hauntingly familiar eyes sparkling.  
  
I wish I could tell you, he thought to himself. "Just thought you'd like to get out for a night. Get your mind off of that hard studying you indulge yourself in." He teased.  
  
Serena looked at him before deciding he wasn't going to rape her. Or murder her. Or do something that would scar her for life, if not kill her. She trusted him for some reason, and felt uneasy about her ease towards him. She had found herself spending over an hour in front of the mirror, trying on all different combinations, black leather? Red? Silver? She knew it would be a party for college students, and wanted to blend in, yet wanted to be sexy for. for him. But she really didn't know sexy. Everything she put on was just not her. She did put on eye-liner, which she thought was very sexy. Or at least on Britney Spears it was.  
  
"Where are we going?" She said. She had called Lita ("ITS AN EMERGENCY!!!" she had screamed into the phone), who called Mina who called Amy who called Raye, and found all the girls at her place and helped her pick out an outfit that fit her right. It was Mina's idea to take pink ribbon and lace it through her hair, and then it was Lita's idea to make the hair streaming from Serena's odango's into little braids with the ribbon. The look came out modern and unique. It was different, and Serena liked it. Mina and Lita had faught about her make-up, before Raye applied the smoky eyeliner to her lids' while they were arguing over how to highlight her cheekbones.  
  
Serena smiled to herself, flushing slightly at what Darien would say if he had known how much effort she had put into this night.  
  
Darien only smiled and drove down unfamiliar streets, ignoring Serena's question. "You look different, Serena," he said. "You look older."  
  
Serena smiled. "Really? I was kind of uncertain about the boo-" She stopped. "Thanks." She said smoothly.  
  
Darien laughed. He felt so relaxed all of the sudden, like something had come over him. Like how he felt on the phone.  
  
"You like parties?" Darien said, glancing at her.  
  
Serena bit the inside of her cheek before answering "All the time. I mean, yeah, I like them. I go all the time."  
  
"Liar." Darien said. Before she could protest he took his hand off the wheel and raised a finger in the air. "Serena, it's a common habit of yours to bite the inside of your cheek when you are lying and or nervous. And you just bit the inside of your cheek, so there."  
  
Serena had no idea her jaw was almost hitting the floor. She recovered. "No I don't!" She said indignantly.  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"I think I would know!"  
  
Darien would usually use this opporotunity to say something like "Serena, you don't even know that 5 x 200 is." Or "Then you don't know very much, Meatball head.", but he didn't feel like fighting. Time for a new approach.  
  
"Alright, prove it." He said, smiling. "Go up to 5 people, lie to them, and then I'll ask if you bite your cheek. And we'll see what they say."  
  
Serena took a moment to comprehend his words. "You mean. like a game?" She said.  
  
Darien chuckled. "Yes, like a game."  
  
Serena liked it when he chuckled. How the noise rose from deep in his throat. like thunder. She liked that comparison.  
  
"I have a stuffed animal named Thunder," She said. "He's a dog."  
  
Darien did a double take. "That's great Serena," he said. "Why did you name him Thunder?" He decided that casual conversation with Serena should be like a conversation with a 5 year old- very simple.  
  
"Because he looks like Thunder," Serena said, as if he should know.  
  
Darien raised an eye-brow. "Serena, you cant see thunder. It's a sound."  
  
"I can see it in my head."  
  
"What else do you see in your head, Serena?" He teased.  
  
Serena got flustered. "Thunder. it's a sound, but its also an emotion, it's a feeling. And it's a dark feeling, and an almost exciting feeling too."  
  
Darien considered this. "So, you have a dark, exciting stuffed dog?"  
  
Serena laughed outloud.  
  
The conversation went on like this for the next 5 or 10 minutes before they pulled onto the side of the road in front of a house in the most upscale neighbor-hood in Tokyo: Greenwood Estates.  
  
"We're here." Darien said, a feeling of nervousness- no, apprehension coming over him.  
  
Serena looked at the large, 3 story.house? It looked more like a Japanese palace, with columns and elaborately carves statues of dragons and lions. "Who lives here?" She said in awe.  
  
Darien got out of the car and opened the door for her. "Just some friends."  
  
Serena felt a little nervous. She wondered if this was supposed to be a classy party. She calmed down a bit as she felt Darien's somehow familiar presence next to her. She could feel a sound system shaking the ground. She could feel the music more then hear it. She wondered if that was normal.  
  
Darien opened the door and felt Serena stop behind him, her eyes wide and looking at the alcohol and people smoking ciggerettes in the middle of a grand hallway, people sitting on the double staircase leading to the second and third floors. It was like something from movies.  
  
Darien quickly ushered her into a larger room, the kitchen, which led onto a large patio with a pool and a large garden. There was a DJ, and a large pit of dancing people. Well, more like dry-humping people.  
  
"Its like something from a American rap music video!" Serena said, cowering slightly into Darien.  
  
"You want a beer?" Darien shouted over the music to her.  
  
She shook her head quickly.  
  
"Okay." Darien said. Of course she wouldn't drink, he thought. "Do you want to dance?"  
  
Serena looked up at him. "I want to go home." 


	3. Chapter 3

"Home?" Darien repeated. "But we just got here!"  
  
Serena's eyes were filled with tears. "Darien, please, I cant be here, I just want to go," She said.  
  
Darien was taken aback, but he didn't want to be an asshole and make her stay, and there was something frantic about her eyes that made him think that maybe she didn't belong there. "Okay, lets go."  
  
Serena latched onto his arm, and tried to ignore the stares of the older, sexier girls with their belly shirts and tight pants glaring at her. She had never felt so small and nieve before. And the party brought back bad memories she chose to forget.  
They drove in silence.  
  
"Is something wrong, Serena?" Darien said after 10 minutes.  
  
Serena continued to stare out the window. "No," she lied. "I'm just. I'm just really tired."  
  
"Well, I feel like an ass," Darien said, sitting back into his seat.  
  
Serena turned to look at him. "Why?" She said.  
  
"Because. I took you somewhere you didn't want to be, and its not like you wanted to be with my anyway, you hate me, so I feel like an ass." Darien said. He really did feel like an ass. He wasn't sure why he brought her to a party, when all that happens there is getting drunk, dancing, and then sex. And she was too young for that, he knew that much. And he felt like a jerk exposing her to his way of life. Drinking, dancing, and women.  
  
And it wasn't a comfort that Serena took her time with a response. "Its not your fault," she said slowly. "I just. I'm not a party-type girl. I just felt uncomfortable, but I like your company."  
  
Darien sighed. "Okay, well, do you think we could hang out again some time?" He said, glancing over to her.  
  
The sides of her pretty little mouth twitched slightly. "Sure."  
Darien sat in bed, looking out the sliding glass doors that led to a small balcony. He stared at the moon, thinking about the night. He had walked her to her door, and tried to give her a goodnight kiss, but she had walked into the door too fast for him to even say good-bye. She said she wanted to hang with him again, but her body language said otherwise.  
  
His thought were interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing.  
  
"Hello?" He said.  
  
"Hey Darien, thanks for saying hello tonight," a smooth, sultry voice said into the receiver.  
  
"What do you want, Ellie?" he said.  
  
"I want to know where your new little girlfriend is." She said, a smirk in her voice. "I highly doubt you brought her home, unless cradle robbing is your new thing."  
  
"She's 16, and what the hell would you know about her?" Darien shouted into the phone. "I don't want to talk to-"  
  
"I know that shes not what she seems, Darien," his voice rolled off her tounge. "She got freaked out by the party, didn't she? Asked you to take her home, and then sat in silence the entire way?"  
  
"I'm hanging up now," Darien said.  
  
"She's been to parties before." Ellie continued. "One in particular, it was quite interesting, I saw it myself. She used to come into Rikko's rush parties on the weekends. She met one guy there, she didn't know much about him, of course. She was too young. But he exposed her. For the girls sake, Darien, leave her alone. She wouldn't want to know what you have done to all those other girls. What some other guy did to her."  
  
Click.  
Serena sat on the park bench, staring at the small pond where she used to ice skate in the winter. When her family would all take hands and skate together. And when she would fall, they all fell, and then she didn't feel so bad about being clumsy.  
  
She missed those days, when she knew she always had someone to lean on. to depend on, to fall with her. But now she just always felt alone. No matter who she was with, no matter what they told her, she was alone.  
  
Then Darien came. And she felt safe with him. Like nothing could happen to her with him. But it was an illusion, she knew. She knew all too well the false hope strong arms and cool eyes could have on a girl. She hugged her jacket to her tighter, despite the lack of breeze in the spring air.  
  
"Serena!" Darien called out, walking towards her.  
  
She smiled. She knew he would come. She wasn't sure why she called and left a message on his machine asking him to meet her there after school. She just. really wanted to see him again. To know he wasn't mad at her for being afraid.  
  
"Hey!" She stood. He walked up to her, an uncertain look on his face.  
  
"You okay?" He said, looking her up and down.  
  
Serena laughed nervously. "Oh, yeah, I was just, yeah. I'm fine." She smiled.  
  
Darien nodded slowly, looking into her eyes. "Listen, I know you probably had something planned for today, but I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me?"  
  
Serena flushed slightly. "Yeah, of course! I didn't have anything planned at all," she said.  
  
Darien brightened a little. "Great," he said, running his fingers through his thick hair. "Because I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the pound with me."  
  
Serena raised an eyebrow. "The pound?"  
  
"Yeah, I really want to get a dog, and I wanted your opinion, you seem to have good judgement," He said.  
  
Serena brightened, and then let out a laugh. "Yeah, I'm a great judge of character."  
  
Darien noticed the sarcasm in her tone, but chose to ignore it. "So you want to come?"  
  
Serena smiled again, her eyes sparkling. "Yeah! I love animals, I once had a dog, but he died. His name was Barkley. He was really cool." She babbled as they walked down the path towards the parking lot where his car was parked.  
  
"What happened to him?" Darien said.  
  
"Oh, he just got old, my parents had him before I was born, so he was pretty old to begin with. He was Iso/I big! I used to ride on his back as a baby, my parents videotaped it once. He never bit or anything." Serena said, taking Darien's hand and clasping it.  
  
Darien smiled. She was so cute.  
  
"That one's scary," Serena said, glancing at a pit-bull-rotwiler mix as it chewed on a bone in its cage. "How about this one?" Serena said, pointing at a small white.thing.  
  
"Serena, that is the wimpiest looking dog I have ever seen." Darien said, a smile in his voice.  
  
Serena pouted. "I like him."  
  
Darien stopped a distance ahead of her. "Well, I like this one."  
  
Serena trotted up to him, putting her nose against the bars to see a small black puppy, his ears flopping over his face, and once white spot on his face. He was skinny for a puppy, and his big eyes seemed lonely.  
  
"Aww!" She said, leaning down and putting her fingers in the cage. "He's so sweet! C'ere little guy," she cooed. The puppy came trotting over, wagging his tail and bathing her hand in kisses. Darien reached out to pet him.  
  
"Lets take him out and see how we like him."  
  
The adoption lady (or 'cankle' lady, Serena called her, observing that her calves went right into her foot, with no ankle) took out a key and tied a blue rope around his neck. "Adoption fee is $23.55," she said in a cigerettey voice.  
  
"Oh, we don't-"  
  
"Okay! We'll take him!" Serena interrupted. Darien smiled and shook his head. "I think you should name him Lucky."  
  
"He has to have a name for the paper's," the lady said.  
  
"Nah, Lucky is too tacky." Darien thought, and bent down to look into the puppies eyes. "I think. Madison."  
  
Serena considered. "Yeah, that's cute." She looked at a door, opposite the one that led to the room where the dog cages were. "What's in there?"  
  
"Cats."  
  
"Kittens!" Serena said. "Can we look?"  
  
"Serena," Darien said warningly.  
  
"Just looking, Darien!" She chirped, following the cankle lady. Darien began to fill out an adoption form as Madison wagged his tail and looked up at his new owner lovingly.  
  
They both jumped at the shriek from the next room.  
  
"Oh!" Serena squealed. "Oh, shes beautiful! I'll take her! Oh, shes so sweet!"  
  
Serena ran out of the room, a small black kitten with a marking on her forehead in the shape of a crescent moon. "Darien, look!" she said, holding the kitten close as it let out a soft mew.  
Darien, and his inability to say no, drove Serena the human, Madison the dog, and Luna the kitten in his small Mustang home. Serena looked at the sleeping kitten in her arms.  
  
"Thank you, Darien," She said softly.  
  
Darien smiled. "I'm prepared for your parents to come after me with a shotgun."  
  
Serena smiled. "Not. not just for Luna," she said, looking over at him, the golden lights from the sunset splashing in oranges and pinks across her face. "You've been really nice to me the past few days. and I really appriciate it."  
  
Darien swallowed. "No problem, Serena." He bit his lower lip, looking into her eyes deeply before turning away. "I really care about you Serena, and I just hope your honest with me."  
  
Serena was startled. "What do you mean?"  
  
Darien's brow furrowed, his gaze more narrow. "Your not seeing anyone right now, are you Serena?" He said, staring right into her soul. or at least it felt that way.  
  
Serena stared back at him. "N-no! Why would you think that?" She stammered.  
  
Darien sighed. "The party. You seemed scared. like someone was going to see you there, or something. I thought maybe you didn't want some other guy to see you."  
  
Serena laughed. "No, Darien, that's not it at all." She leaned her head back against the seat. "I just. I've been to a party like that before, and something bad happened there, and I just. I. I don't want to talk about it." She said darkly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Darien said, placing a hand on her arm, and rubbing it gently. "I just. I really like you, Serena, and I have for a while, but. I'm not really a romantic guy." Darien fumbled for words, feeling, for some reason, he needed to explain himself to her.  
  
Her blue eyes looked at him, waiting for him to finish. She's so beautiful, he thought.  
  
"I don't always know what to say to people, sometimes." He said slowly. "And I don't usually talk about how I feel. Its easier to be closed up then honest with somebody. for me at least. But I really do like you, Serena. I like how you smile, and how you laugh, and. and I like the way you make me feel when I'm with you. And. and I don't want that feeling to go away." His voice trailed off.  
  
Serena could feel her heart pounding. It was all she could do to stare at Luna, purring slightly in her arms, to keep from shaking.  
  
"I want to be with you, Serena." Darien said softly.  
  
Serena looked up at him, her eyes full of wonder. She didn't know what to say, or what to do. She felt the same way about him, of course. Everything felt so. so right when she was with him. So calm, so perfect.  
  
"Darien, I-" she stuttered. A solitary tear she wasn't even aware of traveled down her cheek. "I got hurt once. Real bad." She said, her voice cracking.  
  
Darien's heart fell.  
  
"And. and I vowed then that I would never fall in love with anyone again. And. and I. I really like you Darien, your more then just a friend to me. but. there are other people out there that can make you a lot happier then me. You don't want me."  
  
Darien turned to look at her. "The first time I saw you, Serena, I wanted you." His gaze was intense, and she could feel herself getting lost in his ocean blue eyes. "And I would never, and listen to me when I say this, I would Inever/I hurt you. Never."  
  
The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as her chest rose and fell quickly. Darien parked in a parking lot quickly, unbuckled his seatbelt, and turned to look at her. The pain on her face was almost too much, he thought, as he reached over to wipe her tears away.  
  
Serena let out a sob as his hand cupped her face. "Why do you have to be so wonderful?" she said as he leaned in to kiss her.  
  
They kissed softly, absorbing each other's touch, every movement, every breath overwhelming each other's senses. They relished in the taste of each other, Serena placing her hand on his hand that cupped her face. They pulled apart slowly, and gazed into each other's eyes, as more tears fell down Serena's face.  
  
"Don't cry," Darien whispered as he wiped her tears away. One fell down her cheek and landed on the sleeping kittens head, and she let out a soft mew. They both looked down at the confused gaze the orange eyes held, and Serena lifted her and placed her next to the sleeping Madison. "Serena, why are you so sad?" Darien said, pulling her to him. 


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Blah, sorry I'm being so slow in updating this! I'll try harder to update more often and make the chapters longer..  
Serena pulled away from him. "I don't want to talk about it," she said shakily.  
  
"Serena, just tell me, I'm not gonna judge you or anything like that," He said, raising his eyebrows and sitting back into the seat.  
  
Serena turned to look out the window. "Just take me home, okay?" She said softly.  
  
Darien, frusterated, started up the car and they drove back in silence.  
  
Madison and Luna could feel the tension, and the kitten meowed softly. Serena reached back and picked the kitten up, and it's large expressionate orange eyes looked up at her.  
  
Serena had always liked cats. Sure, dogs were nice, but they were so active, and they weren't as clean as cats. They gave affection all the time, and unconditional love, of course, but for cats, you had to work for it. They were like real friends, who got mad at you and then eventually came back. Serena liked that. She picked up one of the kittens delicate paws and pressed slightly at the pads of her toes, seeing the small claws retract. Cute, but deadly, Serena thought, slightly amused.  
  
Darien looked at Serena, her eyes glittering, her bangs falling in her face as she carelessly pushed them out of her eyes. The kitten was playing with her hair, laying on its back, pawing at the long golden strands. She seemed so at peace, off in her own little world, just her and a kitten.  
  
They pulled in front of Serena's house, and she scooped the kitten up into her arms, and looked over at Darien. "Thanks, Dare," she said. "Will you come to see me tomorrow?" She asked, her eyes hopeful.  
  
Darien looked away. "I have to go job hunting, but maybe, we'll see."  
  
Serena bit the inside of her cheek and nodded. She looked in the backseat. "Good-bye Madison," she said. She opened the door and stepped out, not bothering to look back at Darien as he drove away.  
"Mina, it was like he was mad at me, or something," Serena said into the phone, sprawled out onto her bed, Luna sitting in a beanbag chair on the floor, gazing up at her. "He just stopped talking, and then he was like 'I have to go job hunting, blah!' and drove away."  
  
Mina snorted. "Just because he wouldn't tell you what was wrong?" She said. She was painting her toenails a sparkly orange and shifted the phone on her shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," she said. She considered. "I said thank you for Luna, and everything was fine when we went to the pet store for collars and stuff, and then he just. I said thank you for being nice to me so much, cause, you know, he used to be such a jerk, and then he was like, 'I really care about you, and I want you to be honest with me'"  
  
"And then he asked if you had a boyfriend?" Mina said, perplexed. This man was certainly confusing.  
  
"Yes!" Serena exclaimed, jumping into a sitting position, he knees tucked under her. "And I mean, just because of that stupid party."  
  
Mina paused. "Why didn't you want to stay at the party, though?" She said. "I still don't get that."  
  
Serena paused, before waving a hand of dismissal. "Well, I mean, they are sleazy! They are all about getting a girl drunk and then dancing and then fucking and then never seeing each other again except for those akward gazes when you see each other on the street with another girl on his arm, knowing that he probably care about you more then you care about him, and its just so pointless."  
  
"Wow," Mina said, the nailbrush paused in midair.  
  
"Yeah," Serena said, slightly uncomfortable with the pause.  
  
"Did that happen to you?" Mina said. She placed the brush back in the bottle and sat back against her bed.  
  
Serena sighed. "Mina, you cant keep a secret for your life," She said. "And its really personal and I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Your not a virgin?!" Mina screeched.  
  
Serena held the phone away from her ear. "That's none of your business!" Serena shouted. "That business is my own and I don't appriciate you asking something so personal!"  
  
"YOUR NOT!" Mina screeched. "What was it like? Did it hurt? I heard you bleed the first time- Serena? Serena? You there? Serena?" She said into the phone.  
  
But Serena had hung up.  
Darien sat on the worn couch in his small apartment, looking out the large windows that overlooked Tokyo. He was frusterated. Ellie had told him that Serena had been to parties before, and so there was no reason for Serena to feel nervous about going to one again. And she said she wasn't dating anyone, and he believed her, he knew she wasn't a playgirl. But the thought that Serena was not telling him something was bugging him beyond belief.  
  
"Why should she tell you anything?" He said outloud, Madison's head in his lap lifting to look up at him. He looked down at the dog. "I mean, I used to be so mean to her. For two years! I have no reason to think she would open up to me and tell me something personal, but I mean, is it really personal? Does she think I'm gonna yell at her or something?"  
  
The dog blinked back.  
  
Darien looked over at the phone resting on the table next to the couch. "Ellie." He said. He leaned over and picked up the phone, dialing 411. The operater gave him her number, and he dialed it quickly.  
  
Someone picked up after two rings. "Hello?" A smooth voice said into his ear, the sound of music in the background.  
  
"Ellie, its Darien." He said.  
  
"Hey Darien, whats goin' on?" She said, a smile in her voice.  
  
"What do you know about Serena?" He said, leaning foreward, his thick black hair falling into his eyes.  
  
Ellie sighed. "Only that she's no good," She smirked. "She used to come to these Rush parties with this girl Maura or Molly or something, and they used to pick up guys and shit. She got drunk all the time, left with a lot of guys. Shes a little slut, Dare, shes no good."  
  
Darien stood up. "I don't believe you," he said.  
  
"Why don't you ask her? Or, let me guess, you did and she closed up like the little tight thing she is? She's probably ashamed. She wants you to see her as a little good girl, I'm sure. That's the type your into," She said, sneering.  
  
"Ellie, you know nothing about me, so keep your mouth shut," He said, walking into the kitchen.  
  
"I know that you like it rough, and with my mouth open," She said. "Now c'mon, Dare, your really didn't call just for that little whore, did you? Missing something?"  
  
Darien hung up the phone.  
  
Serena, a party girl? Impossible. He had known her for two years, and she was anything but. She never looked twice at a guy, never the less hit on one. He couldn't even imagine her dancing up against some guy, and leaving with one? Rediculous.  
Serena tossed and turned that night, sweating in her sleep. Memories plaguing her dreams, she kicked and gasped for air, moaning. She woke up with a start, her hands on her face, shaking. She looked around her room in a panic, beads of sweat dripping down her face. She got up and walked into her bathroom, and splashed cold water on her face. Her heart would not stop pounding, making her breathing ragged. She put her hands on the sides of the sink and put her head down, trying to calm herself from her nightmare.  
  
She slowly regained composure and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were rimmed with red, bags under them, her hair wet from the sweat.  
  
What am I doing? She thought. Why cant I put it behind me? Its over, its done, you have a new life.  
  
A new life with Darien.  
  
She dismissed the thought. Darien was nice to her, sure, but not interested in her like that. He was a friend to her. She had always considered him a friend, despite the fights and constant bickering. There was something about him she knew she could trust, a deep knowledge, and age old bond that she couldn't quite grasp. She knew she had looked into his eyes before, layed in his arms. He was haunting.  
  
She knew he kept her at a distance. Andrew had told her that he lost everything he had when he was 8, and never learned to trust anyone. Never got close to anyone in case they would be taken away from him. Andrew even said that he felt Darien always kept him at a distance, just to be safe. He detatched himself from most people.  
  
She wiped the sweat and water from her face with a fluffy towel and walked back into her room. She was cold and hot at the same time, when she realized her silk pajama's were wet with sweat. She took them off and placed them in her hamper, pulling out a fresh pair of pajama pants and a top. She pulled them on and looked out her window, walking over and sitting on the little window seat as she looked up at the moon. She wondered how many people were looking at the moon right now. How many people were still awake.  
  
Luna jumped up onto the seat with Serena. Serena smiled and pulled the kitten closer. She reminded her of Darien, and the strange comfort he brought her. She wanted to be close to him, she knew that. But how could she break that barrier he held with everyone else?  
Darien was satisfied, but exaughsted. He had spend all day searching for a job, and he had finally found one working at a small landscaping company. He desperately needed money, although he had gotten into med school on scholarship, that didn't cover the cost of books, his rent, and insurance.  
  
He walked into his apartment, greeted by Madison who jumped on him, running in circles wagging her tail so fast it almost wasn't visible. He was glad he had found a job that worked outdoors, that way he could take Madison with him. He laughed at the dogs happiness and clipped on a leash before taking her outside for a walk.  
  
He had gotten into a fight with his landlord the night before about the dog, but through his superhuman powers of persuasion and his charismatic smile, the older woman let him keep the dog. He was glad. He would never admit it to anyone, but he was lonely, and the dog filled a small void in his heart that desired companionship.  
  
They walked down the street, Darien lost in his thoughts of Serena. He liked her, a lot. But he was scared of that. He had liked girls before, but only for one reason. Serena offered that, but so much more. He felt that he could talk to her, joke with her, be himself with her. And he knew that she felt the same. Or at least, he thought he knew.  
  
The fact that the always open, always happy Serena wouldn't share something with him was driving him insane. And he wanted to see her again, desperately. He wanted to be with her all the time, her eyes, her lips, her smile, her laugh. Everything about her was fascinating.  
  
He rounded a corner and was caught by surprise as a small girl ran into his chest, nearly knocking him over. He grabbed the girls arms to keep her from falling.  
  
"Ah! Oh, I'm so sorry-"  
  
"Serena?" Dariens heart pounded.  
  
Serena looked up into his eyes, her face flushed. "Oh! Darien! Hi, sorry about that," she said, straightening.  
  
"That's okay, don't worry about it," He said, untangling the leash that wrapped itself around his legs.  
  
"Hello Madison!" Serena bubbled, leaning down to pet the ecstatic pup. She giggled as Madison licked her face.  
  
Darien smiled. She was wearing a baby blue tee shirt and capris, flip flops adorning her feet, her toenails a pale pink. She was so refreshing to look at.  
  
Serena stood up and cleared her throat. "Any luck finding a job?" She said.  
  
"Yeah, actually," He said. "Landscaping."  
  
Serena nodded. An awkward silence followed.  
  
"I'm just taking Madison for a walk, if you'd like to join us," He said.  
  
"Yeah, that's fine." She said. She had been coming home from Lita's house to watch a movie, but she had no reason to come home right after. It was just habit of her to rush.  
  
"I'm glad you found a job," She said as they began to walk.  
  
"Thanks, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and its pretty good pay," He said.  
  
"I should get a job," She sighed. "I'm totally broke, and my parents are always on that whole 'responsibility' thing."  
  
"Then why don't you get one?"  
  
"I want to get a job when I find one I'll really be into," she explained. "I don't want to have to get myself involved in something I'll hate and only put my minimum effort in and be completely miserable. I'd rather find something I can enjoy and will actually like doing, you know? Life's too short, I don't wanna waste my time being miserable."  
  
Darien nodded understandably. "That's true," he said. "But your never gonna find a job you like. your not supposed to like jobs."  
  
She laughed.  
Serena found herself in Dariens apartment, looking around curiously. "This isn't that bad," She said.  
  
"Gee, thanks," He replied sarcasticly. He had invited her up for dinner, and offered to drive her home when he was done.  
  
"No, I thought it would be smaller, and kinda dumpy," Shes said. "No offense." She added with a giggle.  
  
He smiled. "None taken. I got some money from my parents when they passed away and I only use it for rent and emergencies."  
  
"What classifies an emergency?" She asked, plopping down on his couch.  
  
He shrugged. "Don't know, haven't been in one yet." She looked so at home, sitting there. Her long legs stretched out in front of her, her long hair falling over her shoulders.  
  
She caught him staring at her, and looked away, pretending not to notice. She could almost feel his gaze on her.  
  
"Serena," he said.  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
"Why don't you open up to me?" he said.  
  
Serena blinked at him, before letting out a laugh. "Me? You want me to open up to you?" She said, in a tone of disbelief.  
  
Darien shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, like, what you were crying about yesterday."  
  
Serena sat up. "Your telling me to open up to you? Why should I?"  
  
Ouch. Darien scowled. "Because I'm your friend."  
  
"Friend?" She echoed. "Darien, you've been nice to me these past few days, I'll admit that much, but you haven't exactly treated me like a friend in the past!"  
  
"Well, I'm your friend now!" He said, raising his voice a bit.  
  
"So? You called me Meatball Head for years, tormented me about my grades- which, might I add, have gotten MUCH better, no thanks to you-, and tried to make my life miserable for TWO YEARS!"  
  
Darien felt defensive. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, maybe if you weren't always klutzing out and making scenes, throwing things around, setting yourself up, I wouldn't have! Why is everything suddenly my fault?!" He shouted.  
  
Serena stood, highly agitated. "Because your asking me to open up to you, when for years you've done nothing but been close minded to me! I've always given you second chances! More then second! Every time I saw you I would try to start over, I'd be nice to you, and you'd always throw my faults back in my face! And why? Why would you do that? And I don't get why all the sudden you think that I'm going to tell you what bothers me, what I haven't told any of my friends and my family, what I can barely tell myself!"  
  
Darien stared at her. He had never seen her like this. She was stunning, standing there, only feet away from him, waving her hands in the air, her eyes glowing. She turned around and faced him again.  
  
"Why do you always run away Darien? You accuse me of not 'opening up' to you when the entire time I've known you, you just close yourself off to anyone who could possibly care about you!"  
  
Darien bit the inside of his cheek. "You don't know anything about me, Serena, so don't go making accusations you know Inothing/I about! NOTHING!" He shouted.  
  
"Gee, and why do I know nothing about you? Maybe because you've always shut me out!" She yelled back.  
  
"What are you so self righteous about?" He spat. "I'm trying to help you here, and you just throw back at me everything I've done, sure, maybe the things I'm not proud of, but I cant help it if you're a stubborn, stupid, air-headed freak!"  
  
Serena put her hands on her hips. "Ooh, real mature, Darien." She said, a smirk on her elegant features. "Trying to push me away with insults again?"  
  
Darien turned around. "Shut the fuck up."  
  
Serena was on fire. She was on a roll. Years of pent up energy, wasted emotion, thoughts, and the scripts she wrote in her head of what she would say when she could finally confront him were just itching to be said.  
  
"You know what, Darien? I may be stupid, stubborn, and air-headed, but I do know one thing. That you are nothing but a scared little boy." Darien put his hand on the doorframe of his living room and paused.  
  
"Your scared to get close to IanyoneI because your scared your gonna get hurt. That they are going to betray you, or break you, or something bad. You think that everyone is out to get you, and you think that you know everything. But you don't, not at all, because if you did you wouldn't be pushing away the people who might want to get to know you, to share life with you! You just shut everyone out and you are Imiserable/I because of it. Your lonely and bitter, and you box yourself in and shut everyone out because of it!"  
  
Darien turned to face her, his deep blue eyes deeper then she had ever seen. He walked swiftly over to her and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her face to his. She stared back into his eyes in shock and their heavy breathing mingled between them. He roughly placed his hand on her waist and pulled her close to him, and kissed her with everything he had.  
  
She closed her eyes as the splendid taste, scent, feel of him shocked her senses and pushed her out of reality. She parted her lips slightly, feeling his soft tounge taste her, gently, delicately. She placed her hands on his face, bringing his face closer to hers, and kissed him deeply back. She was so hungry for him, two years of knowing him and wanting him but denying every emotion she felt for the sake of pride.  
  
She was everything he thought she would be and more. He pulled her delicate body to his and kissed her like a madman, wanting to touch and taste every part of her body at once. She placed a hand on his chest and gripped at his tee-shirt, driving him wild.  
  
He pulled away from her, his breathing heavy, and tilted his head back. She leaned against his body, her head barely touching his shoulders, and could feel his heart beating wildly.  
  
"Jesus Christ Serena, what are you doing to me?" He gasped.  
  
She pulled his face to hers and looked into his eyes. He stared back into the crystal blueness and sighed, leaning his forehead against hers. "I want you so bad," he said, before kissing her again. They moved onto the couch, him laying her gently below him. He wanted to simply devour her, to just take her and never let her go, and never share her with anyone. She moved her hands across his chest and down his back, loving the hard feel of his body above hers.  
  
He intertwined hands with her and moved down to her arms, to her neck, to her sides, to her stomach. He ran his hand lazily over the smooth feel of her skin as the shirt lifted up over her toned stomach. She closed her eyes and relished his touch, the way he was touching her driving her mad.  
  
Darien stopped and looked at her, desire written over ever fiber of his being. The echo of Ellies words were ringing in his mind.  
  
Ileft with a lot of guys.  
  
She wants you to see her as a little good girl./I  
  
Serena's hands intertwined with his hair, and she looked into his face as he paused, his gaze steady on her's.  
  
I She used to come into Rikko's rush parties on the weekends./I  
  
"Darien?" She said.  
  
I She was too young. But he exposed her.I I. For the girls sake, Darien, leave her alone/I  
  
"Serena, what happened that night at Rikko's party?" He said quietly.  
  
Serena's heart dropped. She could feel the color draining from her face as a flood of emotions came back to her, a flood of memories and bad, bad dreams.  
  
"I don't know what your talking about." She whispered.  
  
Darien cupped her face in his hand. "Serena, you can trust me. just tell me." He said, searching her face for some sort of response. He would give anything to know what she was thinking. The way she suddenly paled, he knew he had struck a nerve.  
  
"I- I told you, I-" Serena pushed him off of her. "I don't know what your talking about."  
  
Darien was shocked at her immediately defensive response. "Serena-"  
  
"No!" She said, standing up and pacing. "I'm not doing this!" She said, in an almost frantic tone.  
  
Darien sat up on the couch, his eyes wary. "Doing what, Serena?"  
  
Serena stopped pacing. "This!" She said, throwing her hand in the air. "This! You! Me! Us! No! No more! I told myself that I wouldn't- No, I'm leaving." She said, walking towards the door.  
  
Darien stood so fast he should have gotten whiplash and grabbed her hand. "Se-"  
  
With her free hand she turned and slapped him. He let go of her in shock, as he watched her wild eyes glare at him before she ran out the door and slammed it shut. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Serena?" Ilene Tsukino opened her daughter's door a crack, peering in to check on her daughter. The tall woman's delicate features were plagued by worry as she gazed across the room at her daughter. "Serena, sweetheart, are you alright?"  
  
Serena barely nodded from her spot, perched on the window seat of her large bay window, her knee's hugged into her chest, her long hair pulled into a single messy bun at the top of her head, several loose strands falling onto the floor. Luna slept on her feet, looking like one large black slipper.  
  
Ilene walked over to her daughter slowly. "Serena, I know your not feeling well, but you really should eat something," She said. She sat on the end of her daughter's bed, crossing her ankles. She reached out to touch Serena's shoulder, but decided against it and folded her hands in her lap.  
  
"Serena, you know-"  
  
"Momma," Serena interrupted in a small voice. "Was I an accident?"  
  
Ilene stood erect, startled. She stood and wrapped her arms around her daughter, pulling the seemingly frail girl into her embrace. "Of course not, Sereenie," he mother hushed, using Serena's childhood nickname, hoping it would bring some comfort. "Your father and I wanted you so much," She said. "We tried for months and months, hoping and praying the gods would bless us with a child we could call our own.  
  
"When we found out you were to be born, oh my lord, Serena, we were so happy!" Ilene said, a smile forming across her face at the memories. "When you were born, I looked into your eyes and knew that you were everything I could have possibly wanted. I had dreamed of you since I was a little girl, and you were more, because you were real."  
  
Serena found comfort in her mother's arms, but not enough to face her. She closed her eyes and listened to her mothers' soft voice as it soothed her slightly.  
  
"And you were always smiling, and crying, of course, but you took all the love we gave you and you gave it back to us three times as much. You have always been so full of life, Serena. Which is why I'm worried right now." Ilene pulled a few strands of hair off of her daughters face, brushing her fingers through her bangs. "You've been like this for two days, and you don't have a fever, so I'm worried that there is something that you aren't telling me."  
  
Serena continued to stare out at the moon out of her closed eyelids. She felt tears threatening to spill down her face.  
  
"You don't think that any child should be born into a family that didn't want it, do you Momma?" She said thickly.  
  
"No," Ilene said. "Babies are meant to be loved. When they aren't, they grow not knowing what love is, and don't know how to give it back." She placed her fingers under her daughter's chin and gently turned Serena's face to face her. "You are a walking, breathing, living love, Serena. You are made of love, it is what created you, and it is what you should be proud of. So don't be sad, darling."  
  
Serena looked into her mother's eyes and turned away. She couldn't bear it.  
  
"I didn't love someone enough, Momma." She said. "I didn't want that love in my life, and I hate myself for it."  
  
Ilene cocked her head. "Did something happen with Darien, dear?"  
  
Serena shook her head. "No," she whispered. "But I ruined a life, Momma." The tears spilled down her face as her mother wrapped her in another embrace.  
  
"No," She cooed into Serena's ear. "Serena, no. You cannot destroy anyone's life. You can only make it better."  
  
Serena shook her head. "No, Momma," she said. "I didn't even give this. life a chance to live," She pulled apart from her mother and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And I just. I just can't let go, I can't say good- bye."  
  
Ilene was completely confused. Good-byes? Letting go? She knew better then to pry into her daughter's business, and ask her questions. She had tried that before, and all she got was Serena shutting her out. "Well," she began carefully. "Perhaps you should write it down."  
  
Serena looked at her mother with a quizzitive glance. "Huh?"  
  
Ilene leaned back. "Well, whenever I have a hard time letting something go, I always write it down," She said. "Like in a letter. A good-bye letter. I write down what I feel and then seal it in an envelope and that's that. Or in a poem. If you cant tell anyone what is wrong, you can at least tell yourself in another way then just your thoughts inside your head. Nobody got anywhere keeping their thoughts to themselves. And besides, the paper can't tell anyone." She offered a smile.  
  
Ilene sighed and patted Serena's arm. "We'll, I'm going to put Sammy to bed now," She said, rising. She walked across the room, hoping she had gotten through to her daughter in some way. She reached the door and had almost closed it when she turned again. "Serena?"  
  
Serena turned and looked at her.  
  
"You know, if you ever need anything, I'm right here, alright?" She said, furrowing her brow. "To talk to. I'll be there for you, no matter what, you know that, right?"  
  
Serena nodded and wished like hell that was true.  
"::Hello, this is the Serena speaking, I'm not here right now, but if you leave a message after the beep I'll call you back when I can! Thanks! Bye!::" "BEEP"  
  
"Hi, Serena? Are you there? I guess not. It's Mina. you haven't been to the arcade in three days, and well, we were all wondering if you were okay. we miss you! Please, call me back, well, call any of us back when you get this.Bye."  
  
Serena deleted the message, feeling a pang of guilt that she hadn't let her friends know anything.  
  
"Meatball head! Get your butt on the phone, girl! As much as I hate to admit it, and believe me, I do hate to admit this, but I'm worried about you. without you around I have nobody to make fun of! Haha! Just kidding. Show up at the arcade or school or something, you Italian headed hermit!"  
  
Serena smiled at Rei's attempt to bring her back to life.  
  
"Serena, its Molly. Ms. Haruna gave me some of your assignments. Call me."  
  
Serena fell back onto her bed and sighed. She knew she couldn't hide out in her room forever. She was so miserable alone, but too scared to face the world by herself. She knew that no matter how many people she had by her side, she was still alone, no matter what. Some things she just had to deal with herself.  
  
"Serena." Serena shot up at the sound of the deep voice. "Its Darien. I. um, if your there pick up.okay, I guess not. You haven't been around, and um, I just wanted to apologize for the other day. I'm sorry if I upset you. If you don't want to talk to me, I understand. And I'm sorry, again. Bye."  
  
Serena's eyes filmed over. She looked around her room, trying to distract herself from the tears that just never seemed to end for the past two days. The skin on her cheeks were already dry and flaky from the constant drip of moisture taking away the oils on her skin, leaving it dry and chaffed.  
  
In a rage, Serena picked up her alarm clock, ripping it from the wall and throwing it onto the other side of the room, as it shattered into small electronic pieces. The alarm rang for about two seconds before dying, and Serena ran into the bathroom.  
  
"This is all your fault!" She screamed into the mirror. "You did this! Everything could be so perfect for you if it wasn't for your stupid, stupid, STUPID decisions! You're an idiot! Your and ugly, worthless, murderess who doesn't deserve to live! MURDERER!!" She screamed, throwing her fist into the large plane of glass, shattering it, the glass seemingly taking its time to hit the ground, the sound resonating through the room, echoing in Serena's mind 10 times its actual volume, causing her to scream. The blood dripped down her knuckles are the small shards imbedded themselves in her hand.  
  
Serena's door flew open as Ilene ran into the room, still wearing her kitchen apron. "Serena? What was that?" She said anxiously, looking around the room. She heard a sob come from the bathroom, and ran to it, and gasped at the sight, all color draining from her face.  
Serena sat in the small room the emergency room attendant had placed her in. Her mother sat in a hard chair, in complete shock.  
  
"Serena, what in gods name happened in there?" She said for the 30th time in the last hour. And for the 31st time, she was answered by silence.  
  
"I'm going to try and call your father again. I'll be back in a minute," she said, very frustrated and VERY disturbed by her daughter's condition. She was obviously in need of help, and she wondered how it suddenly became clear to her in only the past few days.  
  
She had always tried to give her children the distance they desired, as so they wouldn't push her away and feel oppressed and smothered. She had always believed in phases, and knew that her children were bright and knew they could figure things out on their own. But now she began to doubt herself, seeing her baby girls obviously disturbed state.  
  
Serena sat in the bare room, alone. The nurse had wrapped her hand in gauze and had called for a doctor to come in and look at. That was almost 2 hours ago. Serena felt the pain, and with each stab a tear fell. She was still amazed that she could never run out of tears.  
  
If I had collected all this water in a container, I probably could have given 3 African villages enough water to last them a year, she thought morbidly.  
  
She looked up at the sound of a knocking on the door, and attempted to wipe the tears from her face with her available hand as a tall, older, distinguished looking doctor came in, followed by-  
  
"Hello, Ms. Tsukino, I am Dr. Okayasu, and if you don't mind, I'm being observed by one of my Medical Students, Darien Chiba."  
  
Serena stared at Darien in shock. "I thought you were working," She said.  
  
Darien, equally as shocked, cleared his throat. "I don't work on Thursdays," he said.  
  
Dr. Okayasu looked between the two. "Well, I can see you two know each other, so I'm sure this wont be much of a problem." He walked over to Serena and glanced at her chart. "Lets see. it says here you punched a bathroom mirror, is that correct?" He said.  
  
Serena, taking her eyes of Darien briefly, nodded. The doctor looked at her for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Alright, lets see what we have here," He lifted her hand and a few pads of gauze, and examined the hand. "Not too bad, you have quite a large piece of glass in your index knuckle, that will have to be stitched, no doubt. Everything else looks like minor abrasions, a few shards are still in there, but those can be taken out fairly easily. We'll have to give you a shot of Novocain-"  
  
"Don't you use that for teeth?" Serena said, curious.  
  
"Yes, but it can also be used in situations like this." He said patiently. "I'll go prepare the shot and-"  
  
"Hello?" Mrs. Tsukino walked into the room.  
  
The doctor turned around and smiled. "Ahh, Mrs. Tsukino I'm assuming? I'm Dr. Okayasu, I'm the resident surgeon at St. Peters, could you step outside with me for a moment?" Mrs. Tsukino nodded. "Darien, why don't you flush some of Ms. Tsukino's wounds with saline, and put some bacitracion on those abrasions." He said, closing the door.  
  
Darien walked over to the small sink and counters in the room. "Jesus, Serena, what happened to you?" he said.  
  
He didn't just mean her hand. Her normally bright eyes were dull and clouded, her normally soft and shimmery hair slightly greasy and tied loosely into a ponytail, her skin dry on her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes.  
  
Serena shrugged.  
  
"I called you," Darien said, taking out a few pieces of gauze.  
  
"I know," Serena whispered.  
  
Darien opened a drawer and took out a small bottle and a syringe. He stabbed the top of the bottle, a rubber cap on it, and sucked the syringe with the clear, watery liquid inside. "Serena, I've been worried."  
  
"I know." She repeated.  
  
"Why did you punch the mirror?" He said, pulling up a chair and taking her small, delicate hand into his. He flushed the small wounds with the saline in the syringe, and patted the cuts with the gauze.  
  
"Because I hate myself." Serena said matter-of-factly. She stared at the way he was cleaning her hand, wondering why he didn't just stick it in the sink.  
  
"Why do you hate yourself Serena?" He said gently. "You're a wonderful human being, you have no reason to hate yourself."  
  
"Yes I do," She said, looking into his brutally honest eyes. He lifted his gaze to hers, putting the syringe down. "You would too if you knew what I've done."  
  
"What did you do, Serena?" He said.  
  
Don't cry, she said to herself. Don't cry, not anymore, your not going to cry anymore, you don't want him to see you cry. "I cant."  
  
"Yes you can, Serena," He said, a bit more forcefully then he intended. He softened. "You can trust me. I'm not going to run away from you Serena. Nothing could be that bad. What did you do, kill someone?" He joked.  
  
Tears spilled over Serena's cheeks and her jaw clamped shut. She squeezed her eyes shut.  
  
"Serena. it was a joke," He said, suddenly unsure of himself. He shifted uncomfortably in his already uncomfortable chair.  
  
"Your not that far off the mark," She said bitterly. She could feel her heart pounding, with each beat screaming for her to tell him. To tell him everything, to spill everything she had been hiding to him, and only to him, just as long as it was somebody. But at the same time her head screamed for silence.  
  
She stared at his face, memorizing every feature before taking a deep breath. "You cant run away." She said gravely.  
  
Darien kept her gaze, wanting to help her so desperately. He was chilled by the stone look on her face as her eyes searched his, looking for something he wished he could provide, knowing he could if he only knew what she was looking for. "I wont."  
  
"You wont abandon me?" She said, deadly serious.  
  
Darien shook his head. "Never."  
  
Serena opened her mouth to speak when the door opened and Dr. Okayasu and her mother stepped in.  
  
"Finished there, Darien?" The doctor boomed.  
  
Darien straightened, and nodded. He stood and bent over to lean into Serena's face and whispered in her ear. "You'll tell me later."  
  
And Serena knew she had to and the Doctor led her from the small room into a larger one, separated only by curtains, where there was no privacy for her to tell Darien, or anyone, anything at all.  
AN: Sorry, had to do it! The story would have been too long if I didn't!! Review for me please, critisism welcome, as long as its constructive!! ^_^ 


	6. Chapter 6

Serena sat on the floor of her room, looking down at her bandaged hand. It was itchy beyond belief and she was gritting her teeth. Since the. incident with the mirror, Luna was kind of scared of Serena, and had found a new place to play in Sammy's room, which made Serena absolutely miserable. Not even her cat would stick by her. She turned her music up.  
  
Her father had met them at the hospital, and was angry at something. A social worker had questioned him and her mother, and she was sure they had said something about her needing counseling. She assumed that was what it was, by the way her father had yelled "Are you calling me a bad parent?!" while she was getting her hand stitched under the watchful eye of Darien. She shuddered as she remembered the intensity of his gaze.  
  
Sammy had been fascinated. He hadn't really realized what was happening, other then Serena had clumsily punched a mirror and needed stitches. His mom and dad had told him, for some reason, that he couldn't tease her about it, which was bullshit for him. He said he wouldn't, seeing how important it was to them. But he was totally grossed out by the stitches, surprisingly. Serena laughed at him in the car, teasing him by moving her bandaged hand near him and to hear him make sounds of disgust at the sight of the stitches underneath the clear, sticky bandage. It especially grossed him out that her skin was orange, although she had told him it was just the stain from Iodine, an anti-bacterial spray the doctors used. He knew the truth. She was diseased, it wasn't hard to figure out.  
  
She had demanded to leave as soon as her hand was done. She wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. And get away from Darien.  
  
She was angry at him. How dare he use such a vulnerable time to be so nice?! He had taken advantage of her frail state of mind with all those nice things he said. She would never tell him now, she knew that much. He would just do the Darien thing and push her back even farther if she told him. And she couldn't handle that. She wouldn't set herself up for another heartbreak again, she thought as she played with the bracelet the nurse had printed out and put on her wrist. I wont speak to him ever again. I'm to vulnerable when he's around.  
  
So when he opened the door to her bedroom, she was taken by complete shock. "Darien?" She said.  
  
"Hey," He said, closing the door behind him. "Your mom said you were in here, so-"  
  
"How dare you come in here!" She said. Darien stood still. "You weren't even invited!"  
  
Darien shrugged, blowing her off. "I thought you could use some company," he said. "Besides, nobody got anywhere by being alone."  
  
Serena snorted. "You sound like my mom." She spun around on her butt and faced the other way, thrusting her chin in the air.  
  
"Glad one of us does," Darien muttered. He walked over to her stereo and turned the loud music off.  
  
"Hey!" She screeched, finally looking over at him. He was dressed in a black long sleeved shirt and cargo pants, with his nurses' slippers on. She snorted. "Nice shoes." It was only after she said that did she realize that meant he had never gone home. He had gone straight from the hospital to her house. She wondered if he had even eaten dinner.  
  
"Thanks, they were free," He said. He walked over to her and effortlessly picked her up and sat her on her bed.  
  
"What- hey! Put me down you asshole!" She said, punching him with her good hand. She watched him as he let her go and sat at the edge of her bed, perched on the ground, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Spill." He said.  
  
"NO!" She yelled back, scrambling to her feet. She walked over to her bedroom door and opened it, pointing out into the hallway.  
  
"Ugh!" Darien said. "Serena, just fucking tell me! I'm not going anywhere!" he stood and walked over to her and closed the door shut.  
  
"Yes, you are. You're leaving." She said back, not losing his gaze.  
  
"No, I'm not, and you can't make me." He said back, smirking.  
  
"Oh yeah?" She said, her face flushed. "MOM!"  
  
"Serena-"  
  
"MOM!" She yelled again.  
  
"Who's shutting people out now?!" Darien yelled at her.  
  
Ilene Tsukino ran up the stairs. "What's going on?" She said, looking at the two.  
  
Darien stared into Serena's eyes as she looked at him. He had her trapped. She could either keep pushing him out like he did to her, or let him in and ruin her life.  
  
Pride is SUCH a bitch, she thought.  
  
"Nothing Mom, sorry," She mumbled, closing the door. She walked over to her bed and kicked it. "God damnit Darien!" She said.  
  
He leaned against her doorframe, watching her. She was simply fascinating. Everything about her was an enigma, a puzzle within a puzzle. He had always worried about getting close to her in fear of corrupting her, but now it seemed as though she had already corrupted herself.  
  
She turned to him. "You love this, don't you!" She hissed. He shrugged. "UGH! Your so arrogant!" She said, pulling at her hair. He nodded. "How do I know this, Darien?" She said, finding her mind again. She had lost it temporarily in the fury that infiltrated her entire body. She was so furious at him, she hadn't even noticed the throbbing in her hand. "No! I cant- I wont. I wont set myself up for another heartbreak, I can't handle this again."  
  
Darien cocked his head, observing her. "Handle what?"  
  
"How do I know that you're not going to push me away again?" She said, brushing her bangs off of her face. "How do I know that you're not going to get scared and just shove me out of your life?"  
  
Darien stared at her, not blinking. "What can I do to show you that I'm not running away from you, Serena?" He said. "What do you want to know about me? How can I prove it to you?"  
  
"Do you love me?" She challenged.  
  
"Yes," He said, his voice no wavering.  
  
She took a steadying breath. "Do you swear on your life that you wont leave me?" She said.  
  
"I swear on my existence, on my parent's graves, that I will never abandon you." He said softly.  
  
She sat in a huff on her bed. She placed her head in her hand and let out a deep breath. Darien swiftly walked over to her and sat on his knees, looking up at her. "Tell me, Serena," he said, his voice barely a whisper.  
  
"He said he loved me too," she whispered. Darien pulled a lock of stray hair off of her face.  
  
"Who did, Sere?"  
  
"We met at this party," she continued. "Molly and I used to go to these parties up at the college, these frat guys and girls would throw these parties and Molly's older sister was in one of them, so we would always go. Rush parties."  
  
Darien thought. "What's Molly's sisters name?" he said.  
  
"Rikko," she said. She sighed. "And I met this guy there. I don't want to tell you his name, so don't make me," she said warningly. Darien nodded. She continued. "And we just.hit it off. He was such a gentlemen, he never pressured me to drink or anything. He didn't touch my ass or talk to my boobs like the other guys would. We just would dance and talk and he would cuddle me. And he used to come here a lot. And we would just hang out in my room. I just felt at ease with him."  
  
"He kept telling me that he had never felt this way about anyone before. That there was something about me that just made him. ugh." she shook her head. "That made him want to be a better person."  
  
Darien took her hand. He could tell this was hard on her. He just wanted to be there, not rush her, and not make her say anything she didn't want to. He stroked her hand.  
  
"And one night we went to this party up at some frat house. He had ignored all the other girls there and was such a gentleman. He. he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend, but that we couldn't tell anybody. He was 19 and I was 14." She looked into Darien's eyes, expecting some sort of condescending look. "I should have known then that he was no good, right? A 19 year old and a 14 year old?" she laughed bitterly. "But I genuinely thought he loved me. That age was just a number. That he really did love me through it all."  
  
"That night he was driving me home and we drove to this spot near the observatory to look at the stars. It was really romantic, and he started kissing me." Serena flushed. "And we ended up in his backseat. and then one thing just led to another," she rushed.  
  
Darien swallowed.  
  
"We. hah, we 'dated' for two more months, when I realized I had skipped my period." She was so embarrassed. "I can't believe I'm telling you this," she said. Darien just looked up at her. She continued. "And he bought me a pregnancy test and. and I was pregnant."  
  
She waited for the door to slam, but Darien just gripped her hand harder. "You're not walking away?" She whispered. He shook his head.  
  
"Never."  
  
A tear dripped down Serena's cheek. "I was so happy." She closed her eyes tight. "He told me that a baby would ruin our lives. That we couldn't support it, and that my parents would have him arrested. He said we would never be together again, and that he didn't want to lose me."  
  
"So he took me to this clinic where they." Serena let out a sob. Darien reached up and grabbed her and held her in his arms tightly. She buried her head in his chest and cried. "He told me that I was going to be okay, and that he wouldn't leave me," she said. "So I had the abortion. I didn't want it, I wanted to have a baby," she sobbed. She pulled at his shirt, almost violently. "I wanted that baby so badly. He said he loved me, and I thought we could be a family," she said. Darien could barely understand her through her gasps and sobs and the emotion thick in her voice.  
  
He rocked her back and forth, cooing in her ear and stroking her hair. He closed his eyes and could almost feel the hurricane of emotions going through her. She collapsed in his embraced and cried for all the times she told herself not to, to prove to herself she was strong. She was in total agony, and he could feel just a slight part of it in the way she was tugging at his shirt, gripping it for dear life, as if she was falling back into a hole of memories and he was the only thing that was keeping her from being lost forever.  
  
"If I had wanted the baby bad enough I would have kept her," she wept. "I didn't love it enough." She whispered.  
  
"Shhh, Serena, you were too young," He said. "You couldn't have taken care of a baby, its okay." He said, not really knowing if it was. In all honesty he didn't know what to say.  
  
She continued. "He ran away from me. I could feel it. He wouldn't hug me anymore, and he wouldn't tell me he loved me. He stopped calling. And one day," she paused and cried some more. "He was in bed with her," she said bitterly. "That whore, he was sleeping with her the entire time," she said. She pounded Darien's chest again. "I should have known by the way she looked at him, and how he would look at her. He said they were 'just friends'. She was tall and blonde and elegant, and older, and sophisticated, and everything I'm not."  
  
"Serena, I'm gonna be black and blue tomorrow," he said. She calmed down a bit and took a few deep breaths.  
  
"I never heard from him after I caught them. He never offered me an explanation." She said. "I wasn't enough for him. Only now do I realize how fucking stupid I am. I just. I just try to shut it out and forget about it. pretend it didn't happen."  
  
She sat up, erect, and looked at his face in horror. "You can't tell ANYONE Darien, please, you cant-"  
  
"I wouldn't, Serena," he said, touching her face. "You have my word, I wont tell a soul."  
  
Serena cuddled back into him. "So now you know," she said. She thought she would have felt better in telling him, but now she only felt worse. Her secret was out. It wasn't hers to control anymore.  
  
Darien held her close to him, totally overwhelmed, but refused to show it. He would be strong for her. And he wouldn't be like that asshole who did her wrong. He would wring his neck if he only knew who he was. And that girl, too.  
  
"Serena?" He said.  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
"What was the girls name?" He said carefully. He had this sickening feeling in his stomach, as though he already knew. Tall. Blonde. older.  
  
Serena buried her face in his shoulder. "It doesn't matter," she said. "It's in the past."  
  
"No, Serena, I'm not going to ask you any more questions, I just need to know her name. Its very important." He took her face in his hand and made her look at him. She looked at him with wide, red-rimmed eyes.  
  
"It hurts me to talk about it, Darien, don't make me, please," she said, wiping her eyes with her hand. "She was out to get me, I know it. She would always look at me like I was trash."  
  
"Please, Serena," He said, almost pleadingly. "Its really important to me," he kissed her forehead. "Please."  
  
Serena took a deep breath and shuddered underneath him. "Ellie." 


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thanks for the reviews guys ^ ^!! Sorry this update took a while, I was in Rhode Island for the weekend meeting up with my sister who goes to college there. But now I'm back and here it is  
Darien held the frail girl in his arms. She had cried herself to sleep about an hour ago and slept fitfully in his embrace, letting out small whimpers and shudders as she dreamt. He scarcely moved in fear of waking her.  
  
He could only sit and go through his thoughts and watch the pieces fit into the puzzle. He wondered if the psychological effect on what had happened to her had crippled her ability to have an intimate relationship. It would certainly explain why she had flipped out after they kissed. He wondered how far they would have gotten if he hadn't asked what had been plaguing her, and then decided it was probably a good thing he had, because he couldn't trust himself with her. At least in that way. He wondered how long it would be until he could share kisses with her again.  
  
He looked down at her. She played the act of innocent so well. In a way she ways, he speculated. She had evidently lost all faith in the male species and lived in a fantasy world of video games, mangas, television, and pretty much all things that could not hurt her. She had faith in her friends, but he highly doubted she had shared with them what she had shared with him.  
  
He wondered if all the things she pushed away had to do with this asshole that had hurt her. Like schoolwork. She was a very bright girl, and anyone who could figure out how to manipulate the Sailor V game like she had couldn't be all the dumb. Perhaps the fact that he was a college student made her reject the idea of being a student, in fear of becoming like ..him.  
  
He looked around the room for a clock and noticed what seemed to be the remains of one in the far corner of her room. By the height of the moon in the sky, he realized it must be around midnight somewhere.  
  
He gently, and very slowly, placed Serena in her bed and pulled the soft comforter up to her chin and then placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. He leaned over and turned off the light, and gazed at her for another minute as he face became illuminated by moonlight. Luna, who he had forgotten about, had leaped onto the bed and was gazing back at him. He smiled to himself and then shut the door softly behind him  
Darien drove the speedy Mustang through the streets of Tokyo like a madman. He would reprimand himself later for those red lights he ran through and people he cut off, but for now, he had a mission.  
  
He drove through the campus of Tokyo City University (AN: I have no idea if that is actually a college, but we can pretend) and parked alongside the curb near a tall dormitory painted a sickly olive green. He took his keys from the ignition and walked briskly to the double doors. He pushed his hand against the keypad that had the numbers of the rooms on it. "I locked myself out again," he said. The door's buzzed and he stepped inside.  
  
He leaped up the stairs, two, sometimes three steps at a time until he reached the fourth floor. He pushed his way through some people talking through the hallways and found himself in front of room 447. He knocked loudly, leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"Hold on!" A voice said from the inside. Darien tapped his fingers impatiently against the door.  
  
It swung open and the tall blonde figure known as Ellie stood in front of him. She was dressed in a sparkly red shirt and tight leather pants, big clunky heels on her feet. She smiled at brushed her hand through her spiked hair, the bangles on her wrist chiming together. "Darien," she stated, looking him over.  
  
Darien pushed her aside and shut the door behind him. "Who is he?" He growled.  
  
Ellie sighed and turned away from him.  
  
He reached out and grabbed her shoulder. "Tell me! Who is he?" He demanded.  
  
She gazed up at him with brown eyes caked in black eyeliner. He had thought she was beautiful once. That was before he had met Serena, of course. Everything in comparison to her seemed below average, and Ellie was definitely in that category.  
  
She licked her already super-glossed lips and rolled her eyes. "So the twerp told ya, huh?" She said. She shrugged his hand off. "I really don't see what good it does you to know, Darien." She said, walking over to the small sink and mirror located next to the bathroom. She took out a bottle of blood red polish and shook it.  
  
Darien would have killed her if he could. "Who is he," he repeated slowly.  
  
Ellie plopped down on the ridiculously expensive leather couch that fit in with the single bedroom dorm he lawyer parents had indulged on for her. She kicked her feet up onto the glass coffee table and shook the little bottle again. "Some guy," she said casually. "He's studying abroad in the States right now, so if your thinking of killing him you'd be up for a challenge." She began to paint her pinkie.  
  
Darien, infuriated by the way she simply dismissed the situation at hand, stepped over, catlike, to the couch and grabbed the nail polish from her hand and tossed it across the wall, the blood red splattering and shattering against the white washed wall.  
  
"Oh my god!" She shrieked. She stood. "What the fuck is your problem?!" She screeched.  
  
"YOU!" He yelled into her face. He turned and banged his fist into the wall. "You just love this, don't you?" He yelled.  
  
Ellie stood like a deer in headlights. She swallowed and said nothing.  
  
"You just love the attention this brings you, no matter how negative it is, don't you?" He said.  
  
Ellie, finding her cool, arrogantly stuck her chin up in defiance and stepped around him and stood in front of the door. "Leave."  
  
Darien was reminded of Serena saying that, only a few hours before, as he grilled her for answers as well. He smiled inwardly, knowing that if he could make Serena's walls crumble, Ellie's would be no problem.  
  
"Listen to me you cold-hearted bitch," He said, his voice so cold you could almost feel frostbite. "She is hurting. She had lost all faith in men and lost all faith that someone will be there for her in life."  
  
Ellie shrugged. "Not my problem."  
  
Darien took her shoulders and shook her. "Don't you get it, Elinore Graham Brimsby? Don't you get that you'r not the only person in the world? That other people have feelings? That other people hurt and suffer too? Or are you so ignorant to believe that nothing but yourself matters?"  
  
She pressed her hands against his chest, trying in vain to push him away. "Why do you care?!" She yelled. He let her go.  
  
"She's a stupid FAKE! She's a total phony, and she thinks she's the shit, I would think you would see through that! She struts around like she owns the world and she deserved everything she got!" She yelled in his face.  
  
He towered above her and stared down, smirking. "So I get it," he said. "You think that everyone else is just - like - you. Fake, phony, and thinks they own the world."  
  
Ellie glared. "Your stepping on dangerous grounds, Chiba," she hissed.  
  
Darien laughed, mocking her. "Do you really believe what you say, or do you just say it because you don't want to waste your time actually caring for someone else?"  
  
Infuriated, Ellie slipped past him and faced him again. "I look after myself, what's so wrong with that?!" she said.  
  
Darien, suddenly tired, decided to end the conversation there. "I get you, Ellie," He said. She stared daggers back at him. "You may not get yourself, but I get you. You saw Serena as a threat. You could not stand the fact that a beautiful, funny, genuinely good person was stepping on your turf. You were so threatened that instead of just getting to know her and accept that someone in the world is better then you, you ruined her. You and this guy, whoever he is. I don't care anymore. I just want you to know that you are everything you accuse everyone else of being. You are nothing to anyone but an object, but a pretty face to look at. Nobody wants to get close to someone who feels nothing for anyone but animosity. And for that, you will ALWAYS be alone."  
  
Darien stepped out the door then. He was already at the staircase when she finally reacted by throwing a lamp across the room and screaming her brains out.  
Serena was sitting on her bed, Luna on her lap, purring madly and Serena scratched her leg.  
  
Serena had been wildly embarrassed when she woke and realized that she had fallen asleep in Darien's arms. She was even more embarrassed when she remembered what had happened before she fell asleep.  
  
She was filled with dread at the fact she had told. She was always told that it helps to tell someone a secret, but all she found was pain. She could not, no matter how hard she tried, see the logic in telling Darien anything! What was she thinking? This was the mad who had tortured her and called her names and had kissed her so good..  
  
Wait, where did that come from?  
  
She did recall how good it felt to be in his arms. To smell him, to hear his voice, his soft 'shhhs' and mumbles of attempted comfort to her sobs. She found herself completely defenseless around him. The way his eyes just screamed for her to trust him, to have faith in him. He was, in one word, irresistible.  
  
Serena moved restlessly off the bed into the bathroom. Passing the broken mirror, she stopped and stared at the cracked pieces, reflecting her face at her in dozens of small mirrors, circling where her fist had broken the glass.  
  
She touched her cheek and lightly grazed the purple circles under her eyes. She looks horrible. She didn't look like herself. She wondered if she was even the same person she was before.  
  
Who was that person?  
  
She felt her bandaged hand curl into a fist.  
  
"Serena, NO." She said out loud. "Stop. You will not punch anything," she continued through clenched teeth. "Thou shalt think of happy things.. Like bunnies, and puppies, and bubble gum and bubbles."  
  
She felt herself relax, and then immediately laughed at herself. She looked at her reflections and sighed. "Your such a fuck up."  
  
"Yeah you are!"  
  
Serena whirled around to see the raven haired, violet eyed beauty standing in her doorway, he hands on her hips.  
  
"Where have you been meatball face?!" Rei said, blocking the doorway. "And WHAT happened to your mirror? Well, what happened to iyoui? You look hideous!"  
  
Serena raised an eyebrow. "Gee, thanks Rei." She offered a small smile, mostly to mask her confusion. She put her bandaged hand in her pajama's pocket. "What. what are you doing here?"  
  
Rei shifted. "Checking up on you spaz-monkey," she said nonchalantly. "You've been MIA for 4 days, girl!"  
  
Serena looked down at the floor, trying to appear mesmerized by the pink pattern of her floor tile.  
  
Rei continued. "Everyone's been worried about you," she leaned against the doorframe, concern in her eyes. "Nobody's been able to contact you, and it hasn't been the same at the arcade without you."  
  
Serena choked up. She bit her tounge.  
  
Rei sighed. "Oh Gods, Meatball head, don't cry!"  
  
Serena flung her arms around her concerned friend, taking her totally off guard. Rei stumbled back and wrapped her arms around the sobbing girl carefully.  
  
"Jeez girl, what's up?" she said.  
  
Serena sobbed a reply that involved the words 'cant' and 'tell' and 'anyone'.  
  
Rei took the hint. "Well, you can at least come back to the arcade!" she said, pulling away from her. "Lita beat your high score at the Sailor V game!"  
  
Serena froze in her tracks.  
  
"She.. She what?"  
  
Rei folded her arms in front of her. "That's right. 24,828 points, under LTA." She said the last three letters deliberately slowly.  
  
Serena looked up at her. "I'm gonna kill her."  
  
Rei smiled. "That's the girl we know. Get your butt down there!"  
  
Serena smiled. "Let me take a shower-" She began, before the phone wrang.  
  
Rei looked at Serena. "I'll get it." She picked it up as Serena took out a few clothes from her bureau. "Heeeello? Oh, hey Molly, its Rei! Yeah, she's alive, can you believe it?" Serena threw a pair of pants at her. "Yeah, she's right here, here ya go!" She handed the phone to Serena.  
  
"Hey Molls," she said.  
  
"Oh gosh, Serena, you'll never guess who's back in town!" Molly panted.  
  
"Huh?" Serena said, the smile fading from her face.  
  
"Vaughn! He came back from the States this weekend! I just saw him at the mall and he was all smiles and he was asking about you, he wants to hang out-"  
  
Serena didn't hear the rest she said. Her hands were shaking so hard the phone slipped from her grasp, and she fell to her knees as dizziness overcame her senses and she fainted, smacking her head against the nightstand as she went down. 


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Yay!! I looked in my mailbox the day after I posted Chapter 7 and I was soooo happy!! I got 5 reviews!! Snap!! There are people who have like, 120 reviews on their 4th chapter and think that 5 are like, blah, but that totally made my day!! Thank you soo much!!!!  
Serena woke up to Rei slapping her cheek gently. "Get up you tool! What's the matter with you? Wake up!"  
  
Serena blinked and looked up at her. She knew Rei's way of handling fear was to mask it with anger. She wasn't quite sure why, but she understood it.  
  
She propped up on her elbows and felt and instant pain in her forehead. She took in a sharp breath and went to touch her head with her hand, the loss of support from the elbow making her fall backwards and smacking the back of her head on her nightstand. "Ahh! Shit! Owwwwww." she moaned.  
  
Rei took her arm and pulled her up, helping her onto her bed. It was only then did she notice the greenish yellow tint of her hand, and a few black stitches covered by some sticky, sheer bandage. "Yikes, what happened?" She winced.  
  
Serena took her hand back. "Nothing, I closed the car door on my hand by accident," she lied. She was too ashamed to tell the truth.  
  
Rei rolled her eyes and then fixed her purple gaze on her. "What happened? You just dropped straight down, are you okay?"  
  
Serena closed her eyes. He was back. The ghost of her past she had longed to forget was back. She had known he had left from various people, and thought that by some chance he would stay there. He was studying to be a lawyer, and had gone to the States to intern at some prestigious law firms. She had assumed he would get a job there and would stay, but evidently she was wrong.  
  
She groaned and looked down at her hands, surprised to find them shaking. Why did the thought of him have this effect on her? How could another person's worthless existence have such control over her?  
  
Rei gazed down at her, genuine concern in her eyes. "Serena?"  
  
She continued to stare at her shaking hands. Her head hurt.  
  
Rei's hair fell in long tendrils over her shoulders, and she cocked her head at her obviously disturbed friend in a pensive expression. "There's something really wrong, isn't there?"  
  
Serena lifted a shaking hand to her head, attempting to brush the bangs, now overgrown and falling just below her eyebrows, out of her face and behind her ears. She gave a shrilly laugh. "No! Of course not! I've just been sick for the past few days.and I guess I'm just not well still. Mono, or something."  
  
Rei nodded, not believing her, but desperately wanting to. She bit her lip. "Well, then you should get some rest." She straightened and began to walk towards the door. She paused. "You can call me if you need something, okay? Anything. I'll be here."  
  
Serena nodded, knowing that nobody could be there for her. She was all alone. block block block Darien stepped into his apartment, exhausted. He had been digging and planting and putting trees and shrubs in various lawns and parks all around Tokyo as soon as his morning classes had finished. He dripped with sweat as Madison marched in behind him and made his way right over to the couch for a nap.  
  
Darien went straight into the bathroom, ignoring the flashing light on his answering machine, and the blinking of his caller ID saying Andrew had called him 4 times, and took a big fluffy towel from the closet. He turned the dial on the shower and peeled his clothes off as steam filled the room. He stepped into the shower, letting the hot water cleanse his body of not only the dirt and grime that stuck to him, but also the thoughts that plagued him. He relaxed and simply stood, facing the showerhead. He let out a sigh as he thought of how Serena was faring.  
  
He was determined to make things okay for her. The thought of anyone deliberately hurting her was enough to make anyone who knew her absolutely crazy. She had him wrapped around her finger, he knew that much. But that didn't seem to bother him. He liked the idea, in fact.  
  
She had been pregnant. She slept with another man. Those thoughts bothered him slightly, okay, a lot, but not as much as the fact that she was suffering. He was insanely jealous of whoever this scumbag was that had captured her poor pure heart when she was so young. The fact he was jealous made him want to vomit, but he couldn't deny it. If it had been him.  
  
Oh jeez, he had thought about that all day. If only it had been him she had met first. He would have treated her like a goddess. And if she had gotten pregnant, he would marry her in a heartbeat. They would move in together, he could finish school and get a respectable job and be a good father and provider. he would provide the family for them that he never had.  
  
He saddened at that thought, but quickly shoved it into the back of his mind.  
  
A half hour had gone by before he stepped out of the shower and wiped his body off with the warm towel. He tousled his onyx hair and wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam trailing behind him.  
  
He had stepped into the kitchen to grab a can of Coke from the refrigerator when his phone rang.  
  
"Yeah?" He answered.  
  
"Darien? Hi, its Rei," a pensive voice said into his ear.  
  
He struggled for a moment to put the name to a face. Oh yea, he remembered. She was the one with the black hair. "Oh, hi, what's up?"  
  
"Listen, I'm walking home from Serena's house, and I think that there is something seriously wrong with her," she said. He could hear the sounds of cars in the background. The static he heard also made him believe she was on a cell phone.  
  
He leaned against the fridge and jumped back, the metal cold against his hot skin. "What do you mean?" He questioned.  
  
Rei paused. "Well, I went to visit her, and she looked horrible," she said, concern evident in her voice. "And she was on the phone with her friend Molly and then she fainted-"  
  
Darien jerked up. "She fainted?! Is she okay??"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so, she just dropped there right in front of me!" She said. "Then I noticed her left hand was all messed up, like, bruised, and she had a couple of stitches. she said she closed it on a car door, but I don't believe her."  
  
Darien nodded, not really aware that she couldn't see him. "Yeah. I knew about her hand, but. she fainted?"  
  
"Did I stutter?" Rei snapped. "I'm really worried! She said she's been sick, so I left her, but I needed to call someone. I didn't want to call one of the girls because they would get all nutty about it, but I knew you'd be cool about it. you knew about the hand?"  
  
Darien sighed. "Listen, I'll go check on her tonight, I have to do a few things first, but I'll let you know what's up, okay?"  
  
Rei sighed. "Yeah, okay. Thanks." block block block Serena submerged her head under the water, her eyes closed tightly shut, her left hand raised uncomfortably in the air. She held her breath until she felt her lungs would burst, and then popped her head above the bubbly surface, gasping for air, opening and repeatedly blinking her eyes. She rested her head against the hard linoleum surface and sighed. She looked around and sat up straight, taking a white towel with little pink bunnies dancing in hula hoops decorated on it and stood, wiping her body off.  
  
She had finally bathed, after 5 days of being gross and grungy looking. She was quite proud of herself. And she relaxed herself quite a bit, her heart had finally stopped feeling as though it would jump right out her chest like something from 'Aliens'.  
  
She pulled on a pair of pajamas, a loose white tank top with flannel plaid pants, in purples and blues and lime greens. She sat on her bed, the big towel resting nicely on her head, keeping her long hair falling wetly on her nice dry body. It was far too long to dry, and it, for some reason, was always straight, no matter what she did to it. So she didn't worry about how it would look when she let it down.  
  
Serena considered what her mother had said. About writing things down. Maybe she should try it. It couldn't hurt, of course, plus, she had to find something to distract herself with other then the constant 'what if' thoughts that were spinning around and around in her head.  
  
She pulled out a pad of stationary and a glittery lilac pen and thought for a minute before putting the pen on the surface of the paper.  
  
Everyday's the same, I feel them merge I try to separate Resist the urge But they tell me I'll be fine That it will all get better Just try to write it down Or put it in a letter  
  
But the words won't play. Cuz there's no easy way to say Goodbye  
  
Blue eyes stared back at the paper, her vision obscured by tears. Weren't poems supposed to heal?? Not hurt?? Nothing made sense anymore. She put the pen down and sighed, burying her head in her hands until the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" She said dully.  
  
"Hey Serena, what's shakin'?" a deep voice said, smoothly and coolly.  
  
Serena stared in front of her, her heart in her throat.her stomach. her knees. her feet.  
  
"Serena?"  
  
Serena blinked. "Yeah! Yeah, hi?" She said, shutting her eyes tight. This is a dream, this is a dream, she thought, trying to convince herself. A very bad dream.  
  
"Hey Serena, its me, Vaughn, what's going on gorgeous?" He said.  
  
"Um, uh, not much, your back already?" She said, biting her lip. It's a dream, it's a dream, it's a very bad dream.  
  
She hadn't even noticed the knock on the door until it opened slowly, Darien, with very wet hair, came into the room.  
  
She turned sharply to him. A VERY bad dream. Whatever color she had in her face drained out, joining her heart at her feet.  
  
Darien looked at her, questionably. 'Who's on the phone?' he mouthed.  
  
Serena just shook her head, her eyes wide. She slowly picked up the pen and wrote, below her poem, one single word.  
  
Him.  
  
"Already?" Vaughn laughed. "I've been gone for two years babe! What do you mean already? You didn't even call me."  
  
Serena let out a forced laugh. "Well, ha, the phone works both ways ya know."  
  
Darien walked furiously over and grabbed the phone.  
  
"Aww, babe, don't tell me your still mad about-"  
  
"Who the hell is this?" Darien said, his voice raised slightly, into the phone.  
  
"Uh, who is THIS?" The deep and throaty voice said back to him.  
  
"This is Serena's boyfriend," Darien said crisply.  
  
Serena flushed. Her boyfriend?!  
  
"This is Vaughn McDonough, a good friend of hers."  
  
"Vaughn?" Darien croaked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"If you ever call here again, ever drive by here, ever utter Serena's name under your breath, I swear to god I will come after you, kill you many, many times, and make it look like an accident." He said softly before hanging up the phone.  
  
Serena stared back at him, and he stared back at her.  
  
"Vaughn?" he croaked. "Vaughn?!"  
  
Serena blinked back tears. "I didn't want to tell you-"  
  
"Andrew's stepbrother?!" Darien shouted.  
  
Tears fell down Serena's face as she looked back at him with wide eyes. "Darien, Andrew doesn't know, he - Vaughn- wanted to keep it a secret-"  
  
"Of course he did! Its practically rape, Serena!" He shouted again.  
  
Serena flushed with anger. "This is why I don't want to tell anyone! Because I know I was an idiot and I made a mistake, and I have to deal with that from myself, and I don't want to have to hear it from other people, least of all you!"  
  
Darien closed his eyes and ran his long fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said softly. He sat on the bed next to her and took the goofy towel off her head, letting her long hair cascade down her back. She sniffled as he wiped her tears away.  
  
"I can't take you seriously with that thing on your head," he smiled, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
She offered a weak smile before it crumbled. "I just can't get rid of him, no matter what I do," she said weakly, tears falling freely down her face.  
  
Darien grabbed her and held her fiercely to him. "He's not calling again, I can tell you that much." He kissed her forehead lightly, rocking her back and forth. "I'll take care of you, Sere. I promise you that I will never leave you. I'll protect you from him. You're not alone in this. I promise you that."  
  
Serena sighed. His words filled her with comfort, despite the fact that they were only words. Just the sound of his voice made her feel better.  
  
Darien let her go and looked at her. "What are you gonna do?" He said.  
  
Serena looked back at him and then looked out the window. "I don't know."  
  
Darien raised and eyebrow. "You aren't going to go back to him, right?" He said fiercely.  
  
Serena stared.  
  
Darien stood. "Serena, you cant!" He said. "You should have hung up on him as soon as you heard his voice!! After what he did to you, you would even consider it? Serena, Gods almighty, think of what your considering!"  
  
Serena stared ahead still. "I could never go back to him."  
  
Darien stared at her, his gaze intense.  
  
"Because I love you, and not him." She closed her eyes. "But I gave my heart to him. and I have everything else I had to him. and I guess. a part of me wants those gifts back. and maybe my heart thinks that if I go back with him, I'll get them back. but I guess not, because. I fell as though I haven't lost anything when I'm with you. That. I have everything and so much more. but as soon as you leave, I'm reminded of what I had with him. or at least what I thought I had." She said. She sighed.  
  
"Molly called and said he was back. he had called her first, and she called me. As soon as she did I fainted. Rei was there, and she woke me back up. I didn't tell her anything."  
  
Darien already knew all this, but stood in silence as he let her continue.  
  
"I love him, and I hate him at the same time. I don't know. if I really love him, or if I love the idea of him loving me. and if he really did love me but was scared. but then I remember seeing him and Ellie together. and I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore. Ever since you came into my life, nothing does. Everything is a mess, and everything is so confusing. but at the same time, everything is so much clearer, because you make me see things I didn't see before. Like how bad he treated me. And how. how I should be treated."  
  
She turned to him, and he took a sharp breath. She was so stunningly beautiful, her wet hair falling in tendrils around her, framing her entire body in gold. He eyes almost glowed in the moonlight that reflected from the window, and he entire body was wrapped in this golden glow from the one light that was alit on her nightstand.  
  
"I love you, Darien." She said, one single solitary tear dripped down her face. "But I don't know if I can be with you, because I don't want to use you. I don't want to be with someone just so I don't have to deal with being lonely. But I can't bear the thought of living without you."  
  
Darien, this time, felt a lump in his throat. "I love you too, Serena." He whispered. "And I don't think I could live without you either."  
  
Serena closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Vaughn wont leave me alone," she admonished. "I don't know why he wants me back in his life, but I know he wont leave me alone. when he wants something, he doesn't give up." She smiled wryly, still staring out the window. "But as long as I have you, Darien, I wont need whatever he has to offer. Because I do have you. And your all I want."  
  
Darien sat beside her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, as she wondered what was going to happen.  
AN: If you notice in this chapter, Darien's answering machine and caller ID are saying he has messages from Andrew. Andrew was, obviously, calling to let him know Vaughn was home.  
  
And also, the poem Serena writes is in fact a song by Natalie Imbruglia, called 'Goodbye'. I have no claim to it what-so-ever, same for the characters of Rei, Serena, Darien, Lita, Mina, Amy, Luna, or any of Naoko Takeuchi's magnificent characters. I also would like to say that the United States of America (my home Ü) is going through a very crucial time right now, and although war is not always the answer, we need to do our best to support the troops we have in the middle east and pray for a peaceful resolve in this fight against terrorism. And, to my friend Meghan Corcoran lost her father in on United Flight 175, and watched as the plane crashed into the second world trade tower in school, unaware that her father was on it, I dedicate this story to you, and her inner struggle to say good-bye. God Bless you Jay, we miss you.  
~Tianna 


	9. Chapter 9

"As glad as I am to see that you're up and awake again, Serena, I do wish it was on a school day instead of a Saturday."  
  
Serena stuffed another waffle down her throat. "Mum, if yew want me to get betta, you haf to accept that I am nawt pewfect and will still avoid schoowl by awl means pawssible."  
  
"Serena, shut up, if you cant say something that makes sense, then don't risk choking on your words." Sammy said, cutting his sausage into equal pieces and dipping each in maple syrup.  
  
Serena stuck her tongue out at him, silently agreeing that her statement made no sense what-so-ever, and she had even confused herself.  
  
"Serena, don't choke on your words- I mean, food, dear," Mrs. Tsukino said absentmindedly as she poured her son some cranberry juice. "So what do you have planned for today, dear?" she said, looking at her son.  
  
Sammy, being the perfect child he was, finished chewing and took a sip of juice before speaking. "Well, me and Mika are going to go to her house and maybe watch some movies or something before working on our solar system project."  
  
Serena smiled a wicked grin. "Miiiikkkaaaa, eh?" Serena giggled. "Is she your giiiiirrrllllfriend now?"  
  
Sammy glared at her. "No! We are just good friends. But I wouldn't tease me about having a boyfriend when you have Darien hanging around all the time," he said.  
  
Mrs. Tsukino sat down and began to cut her own waffle. "Yes, Serena, Darien has been stopping by a lot lately." She said carefully. "He's been awfully good to you while you've been.. Sick. Are you two an item?"  
  
Serena coughed and sputtered as the orange juice she was drinking went down the wrong pipe, her eyes bulging out and her face beet red. Sammy laughed delightfully and Mrs. Tsukino waited for an answer expectantly.  
  
"Oh god! No, no no no!" Serena said, regaining composure. "We are just really good friends, you know. buddies, that type thing." She finished, looking out of the corner of her eye while taking another sip of orange juice.  
  
Sammy grinned like the Cheshire cat. "A friend is a friend, a pal is a pal, a buddy is someone you sleep with!" He said slyly.  
  
It was Mrs. Tsukino's turn to choke on her drink. She grabbed her oven mitt from her lap and smacked Sammy on the back of the head with it. "Sammy!" she yelled. "Where did you hear such a thing!?!"  
  
Serena rolled her eyes. "I think Sammy should be sent to his room for being so rude, Mom."  
  
"Me?! Rude?!" Sammy said. "You're the one who's been hiding in your room all the time when Aunt Marcie came with Sandy and Michael! That was rude!"  
  
Serena blinked. "Auntie Marcie and Sandy and Michael came?" She said, looking at her mother. "When?"  
  
Mrs. Tsukino flushed slightly. "Oh, on Wednesday," she said casually. "You were so sick that I didn't bother to tell you."  
  
Serena frowned. Aunt Marcie was always her favorite aunt, and little Michael was only 4 years old and blast to play with. She always enjoyed their visits. "Oh," she said. "I didn't know." She stood and brought her plate to the sink. "I'm done, I'm going to the arcade for a little while."  
  
Mrs. Tsukino nodded, and gave Sammy a 'look'.  
  
Sammy shrugged. "What?!" He said.  
  
Serena walked down the street, one long tail of hair draped over her shoulder as she wrung her newly painted fingers through the long golden strands. She didn't know why she was nervous, she knew that her friends would be so excited to see her, but she couldn't overcome this sense of doom coming over her and settling in her stomach uncomfortably.  
  
She had dressed in the typical clothing she would wear on the weekends, a short plaited skirt with pink, yellow, and white plaid fabric, a white tank top, pink cardigan, and pink slippers with white knee socks to show off her long toned legs. She felt strange in the clothes, so used to the flannel and jersey material she had worn for the past week, and she had spent an unusual amount of time that morning finding an outfit that seemed right. She had thrown her mind off its keel and was having a hard time bringing it back, but she knew it must be done.  
  
She was coming closer to the crown arcade when she took a deep breath and paused for a minute, unaware she was pulling on her ponytail until she felt the sharp pain and yelped. She mentally scolded herself for being an idiot and walked towards the glass double doors and pushed them open.  
  
"Helllooooooo everyone!" she said dramatically, flipping her hair off her shoulder. "Miss me?"  
  
"SERENA!!" She was barely inside before she was knocked off balance and wrapped in arms, Mina's hugging her waist and Lita's hung over her shoulders.  
  
Amy giggled and walked over to her and gave her a small hug. Rei turned and smiled. "So you finally decided to show, eh?"  
  
Serena looked at her friends and felt tears come to her eyes. Oh, she had missed them so much! She thought as she burst into tears.  
  
Mina let her go and looked into her eyes and started bawling too. "Oh Serena!" She said, hugging her again.  
  
"Wow, she's not dead, you guys," Rei said, leaning against the counter. "You came just in time to meet someone," she said casually.  
  
Serena looked up and locked eyes with cool black orbs wrapped in thick black lashes and froze.  
  
"This is Vaughn," Rei said, placing her hand on the blonde's chest. "He's Andrew's older brother! He has been in the states for two years studying to be a lawyer, that's why we never met him."  
  
Vaughn smiled coolly. "Hello Serena," he said. He flashed a perfect smile and looked her up and down. Serena's skin broke out in goose-bumps.  
  
He was older. He looked older. He was. what? 21 now? He was broader, and more polished. His sandy blonde hair gelled back off his face, except for a few stray locks that fell into his eyes, those deep brown, almost black eyes that had haunted her dreams. But his body language, his voice, his manners, they were still the same. She shuddered.  
  
She found her courage and nodded slightly, looking over to Mina, trying to regain her composure by looking at a friendly face. Mina beamed back at her, super-happy to have her friend back.  
  
"Jeez, Serena," Mina said, taking her friends arm. "You are covered in goose-bumps, you cold?"  
  
Serena looked at her. "Uh, yeah, I guess." She pulled her cardigan tighter, suddenly aware of her body, wishing she was dressed like an afghan lady, draped in black from head to toe so that he couldn't study her like he was.  
  
"You've grown up, Serena," Vaughn said, still studying her with those black, emotionless eyes. like a shark, she thought.  
  
Mina looked between the two. "You two know each other?" She asked.  
  
Vaughn smiled. "We met once or twice at some parties a few years back," he said smoothly.  
  
"Oh!" Mina said cheerfully. "Well then, how about you join us to the movies? We are going to see something at noon, wanna come?"  
  
Serena nearly jumped from her skin. "No!" She shrieked.  
  
The girls looked at her.  
  
She swallowed nervously. "I um, I have to get home, I told my mom I'd only be out for a few minutes, you know, cause I'm still, like, you know, recovering." She said. She smiled weakly at her friends. "I'll just be going now, you guys have a good time, c-ya!"  
  
She darted out of the arcade and ran down the street, darting between pedestrians making their way through the city. She ran, adrenaline pumping through her veins, her brain telling her to get as far away as possible. Her mind was blank, but reeling at the same time. She couldn't figure out which mess of thoughts to focus on.  
  
She was running past the Juuban district park when a strong hand grabbed her upper arm. She screamed and turned, blinded by tears, and pounded her fist against the chest that held the arm that held her tightly.  
  
"Serena!" The clear voice said. "Serena, its me, its me! Relax! It's okay, your fine!"  
  
Serena looked up into the sweaty, dirt streaked face of Darien, looking down at her with a curious expression.  
  
She gasped and flung herself into his arms, wishing she could crawl inside of him.  
  
Darien looked down at her, stunned. "Jeez, Serena, where's the fire?" He joked.  
  
"The arcade," she said softly, her eyes tightly shut.  
  
"What does that mean-" Darien's face changed from warm to hard. "He's there?" He said.  
  
Serena nodded and looked up at him. "He- he acted like nothing happened, he was just standing there, and he said 'you've grown up, Serena', and he was looking at me like that and I just wanted to die-"  
  
Darien hushed her and looked around. His co-workers were looking at the two with curious expressions on their faces. He looked back at Serena. "Did he touch you?" He said softly.  
  
Serena shook her head.  
  
Darien nodded. "Alright, take my key to my apartment," he said, taking out his ring of keys and taking one off. "Go inside, eat something, take a nap, relax, okay?" She nodded, holding the key to her chest. "I don't want you to take the chance of running into him again. I'm getting off in a few hours, so wait for me there, alright?" Serena nodded again, sniffling.  
  
Darien sighed and kissed her forehead. "Go on, I'll be there in a couple of hours, I promise." He said.  
  
Serena nodded and turned around, walking in the opposite direction of her house, trying to gather herself. She vaguely remembered, not very well, but vaguely remembered where his apartment was. He had gone there once, while they were on their way to a restaurant. He had to stop in for some reason. She knew where it was, but had never been inside. It was a flat above some small shop. some really kitschy shop with kitsch items in its windows.  
  
She found the small shop and went down the ally to the side and opened a door that led to an iron spiral staircase and a door at the top, only a single bulb lighting the area.  
  
She put in the key shakily and opened the door, and looked around the apartment.  
  
It was so. bare. It was nicer then she had imagined it would be, very neat and orderly. The door opened to a small living room with one circle window overlooking the street below, beneath the window was a couch with big pillows that looked very used, and a matching recliner facing a good sized TV. There was a rather large cherry bookcase filled with novels and medical books, and a coffee table with a small bowl of glass marbles in it.  
  
The kitchen was very small, a oven next to a sink, with one island of counter space that seemed to serve as a table as well, a microwave built into the wall, and a refrigerator tucked next to it, with overhead cabinets.  
  
She noticed a small nook where there were two parallel doors. She walked over to them and opened the one on the right, revealing a small sand- colored bathroom. She walked over to the sink and looked at his things.  
  
There was something so personal about being in his bathroom. She picked up a bottle of cologne and smelled it, breathing in the smell of him. She smiled at herself. She ran her fingers along the sink and opened and shut the medicine cabinet.  
  
She exited the bathroom and hesitated in front of the other door, her hand lingering over the doorknob. This would obviously be his bedroom. unless he slept on the couch, which she found highly unlikely. She wondered if she had any business being in his most intimate place. where he dressed, where he slept, where he made love.  
  
She pushed that thought aside and finally turned the knob, peering inside the room. She put her hand on the wall next to the door and fumbled for a light switch.  
  
She lost her breath at the sight. It was a strangely beautiful room, all deep, rich blues and greens. The low bed was the center of the small room, with two small nightstands next to it. There was a large plant next to a single window that brought little light in the room, as it was blocked by the next building. There were paintings of landscapes adorning the wall, and a beautiful, cherry chest at the end of the bed etched in spirals of gold.  
  
Suddenly feeling guilty, she closed the door and left the room.  
  
So this is it, she thought. "Not much to work with," she said out loud. She walked into the living room again and looked at the spot underneath the TV, where a few videos were kept. She knelt down and looked through them. She stopped and nearly choked on her tongue when she came across G String Diva's and Ginger Diamond's Trip to Amsterdam.  
  
She giggled and could feel herself flushing. She turned on the TV and sat on the couch, which was surprisingly comfortable. She fell back into a big pillow and sighed.  
  
He knew. He knew about her secret, and yet he hadn't pushed her away. She pondered this thought. He had, if possible, embraced it. She wondered if he would have given her the key to his apartment if she hadn't told him. She snorted. Of course not, she thought. He gave it to you so you could escape from the wandering eyes of Vaughn.  
  
Vaughn.  
  
It was such a shock seeing him. You stupid idiot! She screamed at herself. Of COURSE he would be at the arcade, he's Andrew's brother! His family owns it!  
  
The sight of him was so shocking to her senses. She had felt, in one painful jolt, the way his touch had felt, the way he smelled, tasted, sounded.  
  
Amazing how the one person she couldn't get enough of was suddenly the person she couldn't get rid of. She smiled wryly. She had once ran to him, now she ran from him.  
  
She painfully remembered stepping into his college dorm, seeing the bra and pair of men's pants on the floor, and shrugging it off, assuming one of his roommates had been up to no good. It was two days after the abortion, and she was still scared. And sore. Very sore. She was only 14, and wasn't able to see a real doctor without parental consent, so Vaughn had taken her to a friend of his that knew a doctor who had performed the procedure. He was a real doctor, but had just graduated, and was new. She was still worried that something could have gone wrong and was seeking her boyfriends arms for comfort when she had opened his door and found him and Ellie in his bed, completely naked, the bed pounding against the wall and Ellie on top, running her fingers through her hair, his hands on her waist as they both dripped with sweat.  
  
And in that one moment she felt her world collapse on her. She had slammed the door and ran from the room, ran from everything, and was still running when a car pulled alongside her with Vaughn in it, Ellie in the passenger seat. She was blinded by tears and refused to look at him, as he seemed mad at HER, of all people. You didn't knock, he had said. You never want me anymore, he had said. Ellie was more then open to trying new things and doing it whenever he wanted, and he kept feeding her bullshit as she walked down an ally, curling into a ball and crying.  
  
She had never felt so hurt. And his black eyes had suddenly turned even darker to her. Everything about him made her skin crawl. He had played her all along, and he didn't feel a thing.  
  
She wondered how Andrew had turned out so good.  
  
She sighed and reached for the remote on the coffee table and flicked on the TV, browsing before finally settling on one a local news station.  
  
---  
  
Serena woke up looking into the big brown eyes of Madison, who was staring her down as Serena rolled over from her sleep. Serena let out a gasp.  
  
Darien walked over from the bathroom, freshly clean from a shower, towel drying his hair. He chuckled. "She's been staring you down since we got in," he laughed. "Your on her couch."  
  
Serena sat up and the black dog immediately jumped into the spot where Serena's head had been, wagging her tail softly. Serena looked up at Darien and ran her fingers through her bangs. "How long have I been asleep?"  
  
Darien shrugged, taking a seat next to her. "I cant tell ya, I don't know what time you went down, but we've been here for about 20 minutes, I didn't want to wake you up."  
  
Serena flushed. "You should have." She looked up at him. "Was I snoring?"  
  
Darien looked down into her eyes, a bemused expression on his face. "A little."  
  
Serena groaned and leaned her body against his. He wrapped a strong arm around her and rested his head on hers. "I thought you were going to go back to him," Darien said softly into her hair.  
  
Serena sighed, wishing he hadn't brought that up. "I didn't know if I was or wasn't. But seeing him today. I just knew, ya know? Like, I just. got creeped out." She buried her head in his shoulder and he looked down at her. "I don't think I even really loved him. I think I was just so wrapped up in the idea of him liking me or something." she let out a wry laugh. "He pulled all those tricks on me. 'I don't want to say I love you unless I really mean it,' and all that. Acting like he really cared."  
  
Darien kissed her head and put his hand under her chin and pulled her face towards his. "You don't have to worry about that now," he said, placing a soft kiss on her nose. "You just have to worry about what movie you want to see, because I'm taking you out."  
  
Serena smiled wickedly. "Well, I thought we could watch one here," she said.  
  
Darien blinked. "Why?"  
  
"Well, I've always wanted to see Ginger Diamond's Trip to Amsterdam."  
  
Her answer was thwarted with a pillow.  
  
---  
  
AN: I am SO SORRY it took me this long to get this done. I got wrapped up in other things, and then I kinda put it aside for a while. I promise I wont be one of those people who starts a story and never finishes it!! Thanks for reading, the next chapter will be a lot better, more drama, because, we all know we love it as long as its not affecting us.  
  
-Tianna 


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